Feelings and needs inventories can help you understand yourself better and improve your relationships. They’re tools for self-awareness and communication.
Many people use feelings and needs inventories alongside the principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC).
Feelings and needs inventories are usually presented as a PDF. But once you have the document, how do you actually use it?
This article will explore feelings and needs inventories, particularly in the context of Nonviolent Communication. I’ll also guide you on how to effectively use them for personal growth and better communication.
What are Nonviolent Communication’s Universal Feelings and Needs?
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a communication method that focuses on identifying your feelings and needs in order to improve communication and connection with others.
The core principle of NVC is to connect your feelings to the underlying needs that are either being met or not met. Feelings are seen as indicators. If you’re feeling happy, chances are your needs are being met. If you’re feeling sad, that’s likely because one or more of your needs are not being fulfilled.
Marshall Rosenberg, the originator of Nonviolent Communication, believed that all humans share the same basic needs. He categorized these needs into nine major groups and called them universal human needs. The idea is that no matter who you are or where you live, you share the same fundamental needs with every other person on the planet.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Needs and Feelings Lists
The key to effectively using a feelings and needs inventory is to understand the principles behind Nonviolent Communication (NVC). NVC emphasizes connecting with yourself and others through empathy, honesty, and understanding underlying needs.
NVC Feelings List
The NVC feelings list is a tool that gives you a vocabulary for identifying and expressing your emotions. It helps you move beyond general terms like “good” or “bad” and delve into the specific emotions you’re experiencing.
To use the list, take a look at the range of emotions it provides and pinpoint which ones resonate with you. Consider the intensity of the feeling – is it mild, moderate, or overwhelming?
Some examples of feelings you might find on the list include happy, sad, angry, frustrated, content, and excited.
NVC Needs List
The NVC needs list helps you identify the underlying human needs that are connected to your feelings. It recognizes that our feelings are often signals that our needs are either being met or unmet.
After you’ve identified your feelings, consult the needs list to explore which underlying needs might be contributing to those feelings. Are you feeling sad because your need for connection isn’t being met? Are you feeling frustrated because your need for autonomy is being challenged?
Some examples of needs you might find on the list include safety, love, understanding, autonomy, belonging, and meaning.
Accessing Non Violent Communication Feelings and Needs List PDF
You can easily find downloadable PDF versions of the NVC feelings and needs lists online. Just search for “NVC feelings and needs list PDF” to find a variety of resources offering these lists for free.
How to Use a Feelings and Needs Inventory
A feelings and needs inventory can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and for improving your relationships. Here’s how you can use it:
Using the Feelings and Needs List for Self-Reflection
To use the lists to gain a deeper understanding of your emotional landscape, sit with the lists and let yourself notice which feelings and needs resonate with you. There are no right or wrong answers. This is about you and your own self-awareness.
Make a practice of connecting your feelings to unmet needs. Try asking yourself, “When [situation] happened, I felt [emotion].” Then ask, “What need wasn’t being met in that moment?”
For example, you might say, “When my colleague criticized my work (situation), I felt frustrated (emotion) because I have a need for respect and appreciation (need).”
Using the Feelings and Needs List to Communicate with Others
Clear and honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. By identifying and understanding your feelings and needs, you can express yourself more clearly and authentically, which can lead to deeper connections with others.
Communicating with Others Using Feelings and Needs
Once you’ve spent some time becoming familiar with your own feelings and needs, you’ll be ready to use that understanding to communicate more effectively with others.
How to Help Yourself Be Understood
The key is to emphasize what’s known as the “Observation, Feeling, Need, Request” (O-F-N-R) structure, a core principle for effective Nonviolent Communication.
Here’s an example: “When I see the dishes in the sink (Observation), I feel frustrated (Feeling) because I need help with household chores (Need). Would you be willing to help me with the dishes after dinner? (Request)”
How to Build Empathy with Another
Building empathy means considering another person’s feelings and needs. You might use the phrase “Are you feeling [emotion] because [situation] happened?” to get a sense of another’s perspective. And don’t forget to listen actively to their responses.
Conclusion
Feelings and needs inventories are powerful tools that can help you learn more about yourself and improve your relationships.
By exploring your feelings and needs, and learning how to express them, you can build more satisfying and meaningful connections with yourself and the people around you.