Dr. Laura Schlessinger is known for her no-nonsense, often controversial, advice on relationships. She’s pretty direct, and her approach to marriage often embraces traditional gender roles, emphasizing personal responsibility for making a relationship work.
One of her well-known philosophies is the “proper care and feeding of husbands.” While it might sound a bit old-fashioned, it boils down to understanding what men need in a marriage and how wives can contribute to a happy, healthy relationship.
This article will examine the core tenets of Dr. Laura’s “Dr. Laura proper care and feeding of husbands” philosophy, highlighting both the potential benefits and criticisms of her approach.
The Foundation: Respect and Admiration
In “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands,” Dr. Laura makes one thing crystal clear: a successful marriage hinges on a wife’s ability to genuinely respect and admire her husband. These aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re the bedrock upon which a loving and lasting relationship is built.
The Importance of Respect
Dr. Laura emphasizes that respect isn’t just a feeling; it’s a conscious choice reflected in your words and actions. Think about it: how often do you publicly criticize your husband, even in jest? Do you truly value his opinions, even when they differ from yours? Respect means avoiding those little digs, actively listening to his perspective, and generally treating him with the same courtesy you’d extend to a valued colleague or friend.
For men, feeling respected by their wives is directly tied to their sense of self-worth. It’s a fundamental need. When a man feels his wife looks up to him, he’s more confident, secure, and able to be a better partner.
Cultivating Admiration
Admiration takes it a step further. It’s about actively appreciating your husband’s unique qualities, focusing on his strengths and accomplishments, and expressing gratitude for his efforts. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day grind and forget to acknowledge the things you genuinely admire about him.
Admiration is also a powerful aphrodisiac, helping to nurture your marriage with love. It fuels a positive feedback loop in the relationship. When a man feels admired, he’s more likely to reciprocate with affection and effort, further strengthening the bond between you.
Fulfilling Needs: Emotional and Physical
Dr. Laura’s advice hinges on the idea that understanding and meeting a husband’s core needs is crucial for a successful marriage. This isn’t about servitude or outdated gender roles, but about creating a mutually supportive and loving partnership. It’s about understanding what makes your husband feel loved, valued, and secure.
Emotional Support and Understanding
This involves creating a safe space where your husband feels comfortable sharing his feelings and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. Active listening and empathy are key. It’s about truly hearing what he’s saying, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it. Acknowledging and validating his emotions, even if they differ from your own, is crucial. Remember that men often express emotions differently, so understanding his communication style is vital.
Physical Intimacy and Affection
Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of regular physical intimacy in maintaining a strong connection. This goes beyond just sex; it includes affection, cuddling, and physical touch that reinforces the bond between you. Prioritizing sexual intimacy and understanding his physical needs and desires is essential. Open communication about preferences and boundaries is key to a fulfilling and respectful physical relationship.
Creating a Welcoming Home Environment
While not solely the wife’s responsibility, creating a clean, organized, and peaceful home environment is seen as a way to show care and attention. It’s about providing a relaxing atmosphere where your husband can de-stress and feel comfortable. This can also include preparing meals and attending to his basic needs, demonstrating love and care through domestic tasks. It’s not about being a maid, but about contributing to a shared living space that promotes well-being for both partners.
Supporting His Goals and Aspirations
Dr. Laura argues that a wife should actively encourage her husband’s personal and professional growth. This means providing unwavering support and motivation, and genuinely celebrating his achievements, big or small. It’s about fostering an environment where he feels empowered to pursue his passions and reach his full potential.
According to Schlessinger, a wife should be her husband’s “biggest fan” and advocate. This involves believing in his abilities and potential, even when he doubts himself. It’s about offering constructive feedback and encouragement, not criticism or judgment. She suggests that a wife should be his safe space, someone he can always count on to be in his corner.
Crucially, Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of avoiding comparisons to other men. Every individual is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses. Focusing on his unique contributions and appreciating him for who he is, rather than who he isn’t, is essential for building his confidence and self-esteem. Constant comparisons will only breed resentment and insecurity, undermining the foundation of the relationship and potentially leading to a high-maintenance relationship, making it necessary to cope and set boundaries.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Even with the best intentions, it’s easy to fall into patterns that can damage your relationship, which is why it may be helpful to consider a 7-day relationship reset to rebuild connection and spark romance. Here are a few common pitfalls to avoid:
- Nagging and Criticism: Constant nagging and criticism will erode your husband’s self-esteem and leave him feeling resentful. If you have concerns, find constructive, loving ways to address them.
- Controlling Behavior: Men need to feel like they have some autonomy and independence. Let your husband make his own decisions, even if you don’t always agree with them. Avoid the temptation to micromanage or exert excessive control over his life.
- Neglecting Personal Appearance: While it’s important to love and accept yourself at any stage, neglecting your appearance altogether can signal to your husband (and yourself) that you’ve stopped caring. Make an effort to maintain a sense of self-care and attractiveness. It’s not just about looking good for him; it’s about feeling good about yourself, which will radiate outwards and keep the spark alive in your relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to properly care for your husband?
Ah, the million-dollar question! While “proper care” is subjective and varies from relationship to relationship, the core principles remain the same: communication, respect, and appreciation. Think about what he values – is it quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, or gifts? Tailor your actions to his love language. Listen actively, validate his feelings, and show gratitude for his contributions. Remember, it’s a two-way street. “Proper care” also involves taking care of yourself, fostering your own interests, and maintaining a healthy sense of independence. Ultimately, it’s about creating a partnership built on mutual understanding and support. Forget outdated notions of subservience; focus on building a relationship where both partners thrive. What works for one couple won’t necessarily work for another, so open communication is key to discovering what truly nurtures your specific dynamic.
Who is Dr. Laura Schlesinger?
Dr. Laura Schlesinger, often simply known as Dr. Laura, is a radio personality and author known for her outspoken views on relationships, family, and morality. She holds a Ph.D. in physiology from Columbia University and has written numerous self-help books, including the controversial “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.” Her advice often leans towards traditional gender roles and strong moral convictions, which has garnered both praise and criticism over the years. She’s a polarizing figure, but her influence on popular culture and discussions surrounding relationships is undeniable. Whether you agree with her viewpoints or not, Dr. Laura has certainly made a significant impact on the landscape of relationship advice.
Putting It All Together
Dr. Laura’s “proper care and feeding of husbands” philosophy centers on the importance of respect, admiration, and meeting your husband’s needs. It’s about prioritizing your marriage and making your husband feel valued.
Of course, her approach isn’t without its critics. Some find it outdated or overly prescriptive. It’s crucial to remember that her advice isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. You need to adapt it to your own relationship and personal values.
Ultimately, the success of any marriage hinges on open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to work together. Even if you don’t agree with every single piece of advice Dr. Laura gives, her core message of prioritizing your relationship and actively nurturing it is something that every couple can benefit from.