The term “high-maintenance relationship” usually isn’t a compliment. It suggests that someone is difficult, needy, or dramatic. But is that all there is to it?
There’s more to being “high maintenance” than just being difficult. Some people may be labeled as “high maintenance” simply because they have needs that aren’t being met or because they express their needs more openly than others.
In this article, we’ll dig deeper into the characteristics of people who are often described as high-maintenance. We’ll explore how their behavior impacts relationships and how they can be confused with highly sensitive people (HSPs). Finally, we’ll cover strategies for effectively navigating relationships with someone who has high-maintenance tendencies.
By understanding the nuances of the high-maintenance label, you can better approach relationships with empathy and create healthier dynamics. So, let’s dive in and explore the complexities of high-maintenance relationships.
What does “high maintenance” really mean?
A high-maintenance person needs a lot of attention, time, and, sometimes, money. They often act like they’re entitled to special treatment and tend to put their needs first.
Where does this behavior come from? It could be rooted in insecurity, past experiences, or simply learned behavior. Someone might have grown up in an environment where they were always the center of attention, for example, or maybe they’ve been hurt in the past and now seek constant reassurance.
It’s important to remember that being high-maintenance isn’t the same as being assertive or having high standards. It’s also different from being a highly sensitive person (HSP). An HSP experiences the world more intensely and might need more downtime, but that doesn’t automatically make them high-maintenance.
It’s all about the why behind the behavior. Is someone asking for what they need in a healthy way, or are they demanding and expecting others to cater to them constantly?
High maintenance vs. highly sensitive people (HSP)
It’s easy to confuse high-maintenance behavior with the traits of a highly sensitive person. But there are some key differences.
Defining highly sensitive person (HSP)
A highly sensitive person is someone with a super-attuned nervous system. HSPs can be easily overwhelmed by external stimuli and often have a strong ability to sense how other people are feeling. They process information deeply and are easily overwhelmed by stimuli.
Dr. Elaine Aron, a pioneer in research on highly sensitive people, has found that being an HSP is not related to either introversion or emotionality. In fact, about 30 percent of HSPs are extroverts, and highly sensitive people aren’t necessarily more emotional than anyone else.
Key differences between high maintenance and HSP
The motivation behind the behavior is the main difference between someone who’s high maintenance and someone who’s highly sensitive. A high-maintenance person seeks external validation and attention, while an HSP is more internally focused and sensitive to their surroundings.
A high-maintenance person may be demanding because they need to feel in control or to be reassured. An HSP, on the other hand, may need lots of quiet time and space to process their emotions and avoid becoming overstimulated. HSPs aren’t necessarily demanding, but they may need lots of understanding and patience. They may also need you to validate their emotions and create a supportive environment for them.
Are you high maintenance or highly sensitive?
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you often feel entitled to special treatment? (If so, you might be high-maintenance.)
- Are you easily overwhelmed by loud noises or bright lights? (If so, you might be an HSP.)
The impact of high-maintenance tendencies on relationships
Being in a relationship with someone who has high-maintenance tendencies can be challenging. If you’re dating someone who always needs attention and validation, you may feel drained and resentful after a while. Their sense of entitlement can lead to unfair expectations and a lack of reciprocity in the relationship.
It’s important to set clear boundaries and communicate openly about your needs and expectations. Don’t fall into the trap of enabling high-maintenance behaviors; instead, encourage your partner’s independence and self-sufficiency.
On the other hand, relationships with highly sensitive people (HSPs) can be deeply rewarding. HSPs are often incredibly empathetic and compassionate partners. However, their sensitivity can also lead to emotional reactivity and a need for constant reassurance.
Patience, understanding, and validation are key to making these relationships work. Create a calm and supportive environment where your partner feels safe expressing their emotions.
How to cope with high-maintenance or highly sensitive partners
Whether you’re dealing with high-maintenance tendencies or high sensitivity, setting boundaries is crucial. Clearly communicate your needs and expectations, and don’t be afraid to say no when necessary.
If you’re with someone who’s highly sensitive, remember to practice empathy and validate their feelings. Let them know that you understand and support them, even when their emotions feel overwhelming. Create a peaceful and supportive environment where they can feel safe and loved.
Encourage your partner’s independence and self-sufficiency. Help them develop hobbies, interests, and friendships outside of the relationship. This will not only ease the burden on you but also help them build confidence and self-esteem.
Navigating Work Environments
High-maintenance people exist in the workplace, too, and often present specific challenges to managers and coworkers. But what does “high-maintenance” look like in a professional setting?
High-Maintenance Employees
These employees often require a lot of attention and resources. They might have an inflated sense of entitlement, which can cause friction with colleagues. Managing them requires a delicate balance.
It’s essential to set crystal-clear expectations and provide regular, constructive feedback, delivered in a supportive and encouraging way. Praise can go a long way.
Highly Sensitive Employees
On the other hand, you might find that some employees are highly sensitive. They may thrive in quieter workspaces where there are fewer distractions. Supportive feedback is essential for their well-being and overall job performance.
To accommodate highly sensitive employees, consider offering opportunities for quiet time and breaks. Be mindful of loud noises, bright lights, and overpowering smells.
How Employers Can Support Both
Whether dealing with a “high-maintenance” or a “highly sensitive” employee, employers can create a supportive work environment by:
- Setting clear expectations and boundaries
- Offering regular feedback and support
- Accommodating individual needs where possible
- Offering training and development opportunities
Fostering a workplace culture that values both clear communication and individual differences is key to creating a productive and harmonious environment for everyone.
Frequently Asked Questions
What causes someone to be high maintenance?
Several factors can contribute to someone being perceived as high maintenance. Often, it stems from underlying insecurities, a deep-seated need for reassurance, or past experiences that have created a fear of abandonment. Unrealistic expectations, difficulty with self-soothing, and a lack of independence can also play significant roles. Sometimes, a high-maintenance approach is a learned behavior from observing relationship dynamics in their upbringing.
What does a high maintenance partner look like?
A high-maintenance partner might constantly seek validation, require excessive attention, and have difficulty being alone. They may frequently express dissatisfaction, have a hard time compromising, and demand a lot of their partner’s time and energy. This can manifest as frequent calls/texts, getting upset over small things, or needing constant reassurance of love and commitment.
What does high maintenance relationship mean?
A high-maintenance relationship is characterized by an imbalance of effort and emotional labor. One partner typically requires significantly more attention, reassurance, and validation than the other. This can create a dynamic where one partner feels constantly drained and the other feels perpetually insecure or unfulfilled, leading to resentment and potential conflict.
How do you know if you’re a high maintenance person?
Reflect on your behavior in relationships. Do you frequently seek reassurance? Do you get easily upset when your partner doesn’t meet your expectations? Do you demand a lot of their time and attention? If you answered yes to these, you might have high-maintenance tendencies. Also, consider feedback from past partners; if they’ve described you as demanding or needy, it’s worth exploring these patterns.
Closing Thoughts
It’s important to understand the subtle shades of meaning in “high-maintenance” behavior and high sensitivity. Empathy, clear communication, and healthy boundaries are essential in all relationships, but especially if one or both partners is more sensitive or demanding than average.
I hope you’ll try some of the strategies we’ve discussed to improve your relationships and create more supportive environments for the people you love… and for yourself, too!