Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an event or something with an uncertain outcome. Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health conditions in the United States, affecting an estimated 40 million adults.
When one or both partners experience anxiety, it can significantly impact the health and well-being of the marriage. The presence of anxiety in marriage can lead to relationship problems, intimacy issues, and difficulty communicating effectively.
This article explores the causes and effects of anxiety in marriage and offers strategies for managing anxiety to foster a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
What is anxiety?
It’s normal to experience anxiety from time to time. Maybe you felt anxious before your wedding, or you might feel anxious about a work deadline. But when anxiety becomes chronic and overwhelming, it can be an anxiety disorder.
Anxiety disorders are different from the temporary anxiety we feel when facing a stressful life event. They involve excessive worry that doesn’t go away, and they can interfere with your daily life, including your marriage.
Here are some common anxiety disorders that can affect a marriage:
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
- Panic Disorder
- Social Anxiety Disorder
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
It’s important to remember that only a trained healthcare professional can diagnose an anxiety disorder. So if you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.
CAUSES OF ANXIETY IN MARRIAGE
Many things can trigger or exacerbate anxiety in a marriage. Some common culprits include trust issues, constant arguing, negativity, and chronic stress.
If one or both partners already have an anxiety disorder, marital challenges can make it even worse. Everyday life transitions like moving, changing jobs, or having children can be stressful enough, but when you add in the complexities of a marital relationship, it can be overwhelming.
External pressures also play a big role. Many couples experience anxiety related to financial strain, career pressures, and family responsibilities. These stressors can create a ripple effect, impacting the relationship and individual well-being.
Finally, past experiences and personal insecurities can significantly contribute to anxiety within a marriage. Past relationship trauma, insecure attachment styles, and low self-esteem, and other issues like BPD in men can all fuel anxiety and create a sense of unease within the relationship.
The damaging effects of anxiety on marital well-being
Anxiety can worm its way into every aspect of a marriage, corroding the bonds that hold a couple together.
Impact on communication and intimacy
Anxiety can slam the door shut on open and honest communication. When you’re always afraid of being judged, or suspect your husband is gaslighting you, you’ll probably avoid difficult conversations altogether. Anxiety disorders also have a significant impact on relationship dynamics, increasing problems and causing one or both partners to avoid intimacy. Spouses with generalized anxiety disorder often can’t participate in normal activities with their partners.
Strain on roles and responsibilities
Living with anxiety can throw all the roles and responsibilities in a household out of whack. Imbalances can develop in who handles domestic chores, earns money, or cares for the children. The partners of anxiety sufferers often take on ever-increasing responsibilities, which leads to emotional distress for both partners.
Increased marital discord and potential for separation
If anxiety goes unaddressed for too long, it can lead to increased conflict and resentment. Eventually, anxiety can cause so much marital discord that it may lead a couple to consider separation or divorce.
Supporting a partner with anxiety
When anxiety shows up in a marriage, it can feel like you’re suddenly navigating a three-person relationship. But with patience, open communication, and a willingness to learn, you can navigate this challenge together.
Educate yourself
It’s crucial to learn as much as you can about anxiety disorders. The more you understand what your partner is going through, the better equipped you’ll be to offer support and empathy. Even if you don’t fully understand what a panic attack feels like, acknowledging that you can’t imagine it can go a long way.
Offer practical support and encouragement
Talk about how you can actively support your partner. This might mean encouraging them to seek treatment, celebrating small victories, and reinforcing healthy behaviors. Help your partner set realistic goals. Break down overwhelming tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
Communicate, communicate, communicate
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, but it’s especially crucial when dealing with anxiety. Don’t assume you know what your partner needs. Ask them how you can help, and listen carefully to their response. Practice active listening and validation techniques to make your partner feel heard and understood.
Don’t forget about you
It’s easy to get so caught up in supporting your anxious partner that you neglect your own well-being. Don’t give up your own life, interests, and friendships. It’s also important to set healthy boundaries to avoid burnout. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure you’re taking care of yourself too.
When to seek professional help
Anxiety can be a difficult emotion to manage, both for the person who is experiencing it and for their spouse. If you find that anxiety is significantly impacting your marriage, it may be time to seek professional help.
Individual therapy
Individual therapy can be a safe space for the anxious spouse to explore their feelings and develop coping mechanisms. Some common therapeutic approaches for anxiety include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure therapy.
Couples therapy
Couples therapy can be beneficial in addressing marital issues related to anxiety, and reading relationship books for couples can also help strengthen your bond. It can help couples learn how to communicate more effectively, resolve conflicts, and build a more supportive environment for each other. A therapist can also help the couple understand how anxiety is impacting their relationship and develop strategies for managing it together.
Medication
In some cases, medication may be necessary to manage anxiety. If you are considering medication, it is important to consult with a medical professional to discuss the risks and benefits and determine if it is the right choice for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is my marriage giving me anxiety?
Anxiety in a marriage can stem from various sources. Common triggers include communication problems, financial stress, differing expectations, intimacy issues, or unresolved conflicts. Sometimes, pre-existing anxiety disorders can be exacerbated by the dynamics of a marriage. It’s also possible that external stressors, like job insecurity or family issues, are impacting your relationship and contributing to your anxiety.
What does anxiety look like in a marriage?
Anxiety in a marriage can manifest in several ways. You might experience constant worry about the relationship’s stability, excessive need for reassurance from your partner, difficulty sleeping, increased irritability, or physical symptoms like headaches or stomach problems. Other signs include avoidance of conflict, controlling behaviors, or withdrawing emotionally from your spouse. It’s important to recognize these signs and address them proactively.
How do I overcome marriage anxiety?
Overcoming marriage anxiety requires a multi-faceted approach. Open and honest communication with your partner is essential. Consider couples therapy to learn healthy communication strategies and address underlying issues. Individual therapy can also be beneficial for managing your own anxiety. Practicing self-care, such as exercise, mindfulness, and relaxation techniques, can help reduce anxiety levels. Finally, setting realistic expectations for your marriage and focusing on building a strong foundation of trust and support can contribute to a more secure and less anxious relationship.
Putting It All Together
Anxiety can cast a long shadow over a marriage, creating distance and discord where there should be connection and comfort. If anxiety is affecting your marriage, it’s essential to seek help and support. Don’t try to navigate this complex issue alone.
Remember, a fulfilling and happy marriage is possible, even when anxiety is part of the equation. With understanding, communication, and the right support, you and your partner can build a resilient and loving relationship that thrives despite the challenges.