What does it mean to have “standards” in a relationship? It means knowing your values, what you believe, and how you expect yourself and your partner to behave. Your standards reflect what you think you deserve and the value you place on yourself.
Having healthy relationship standards is essential for your overall well-being. When your standards are healthy, your relationships are more fulfilling, and you feel valued and respected. On the flip side, low standards can lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, and all sorts of unhealthy dynamics.
So, how do you raise your standards in a relationship? It’s not just about demanding more. It starts with setting standards for yourself. After all, your personal standards and your relationship standards are intertwined.
In this article, we’ll explore actionable steps you can take to identify, implement, and maintain higher standards. We’ll cover everything from defining your personal values to communicating your needs effectively and reaping the rewards of healthier relationships.
THE FOUNDATION: RAISING YOUR PERSONAL STANDARDS
Here’s a truth that may sting a little: If you have high standards for others but low standards for yourself, you may be going about this all wrong.
You can’t effectively demand respect and consideration from someone else if you’re not giving those things to yourself. Raising your personal standards has to come first because it will naturally influence what you expect from the people you choose to have in your life.
If you start taking better care of yourself, setting firm boundaries, and showing yourself respect, you’ll find that you won’t tolerate the opposite treatment from others.
Identifying and Addressing Your Personal Standards
So how do you even begin to raise your personal standards?
- First, write down your ideal self-image. What’s keeping you from achieving that image? What qualities do you admire in other people? How can you begin to cultivate those qualities in yourself?
- Next, list the things you will no longer accept from yourself. This could be anything from negative self-talk to neglecting your physical and mental health to engaging in habits that you know aren’t good for you.
- Finally, commit to following through on these standards. Consistency is key. Start small, but be persistent. Uphold these standards for yourself. You deserve that.
Identifying and implementing healthy relational standards
Raising your standards in a relationship isn’t about demanding perfection or creating a rigid set of rules. It’s about knowing your worth, understanding your needs, and creating a partnership that fosters growth, happiness, and mutual respect. Here’s how to identify and implement healthy standards:
Defining your non-negotiables
What are the core values, behaviors, and qualities that you absolutely must have in a partner? These are your non-negotiables. Examples might include:
- Emotional availability
- Respect
- Open communication
- Shared values
- Honesty
It’s important to differentiate between needs and wants. Needs are essential for a healthy relationship; wants are preferences that are nice to have but not deal-breakers. Knowing the difference will help you prioritize what truly matters.
Communicating and enforcing your standards
Once you’ve identified your standards, it’s crucial to communicate them clearly to your partner. Open and honest communication is key to setting expectations and ensuring mutual understanding. Don’t assume your partner knows what you need; be direct and specific.
Be prepared to enforce your standards. This may involve setting boundaries, saying no, or even ending the relationship if your standards are consistently violated. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary to protect your well-being.
Trust your gut, but verify
Pay attention to red flags and warning signs. If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Trust your intuition, but also verify it with clear assessment. Are there patterns of behavior that are concerning? Are your needs being consistently unmet?
Before you react, regulate yourself first. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, but it’s important to bring yourself back into groundedness so that you can assess the situation more clearly, without the fog of stress and anxiety. Once you’re calm, you can have a more productive conversation with your partner.
Overcoming the tough parts of raising your standards
It’s not always easy to raise your standards in a relationship. Here’s how to work through the challenges and keep moving forward.
It’s normal to feel uneasy and resistant at first
When you start to ask more from a partner, you may feel lonely, start to doubt yourself, and become uncomfortable with the old ways you used to be in relationships, such as being codependent. If you are questioning your behavior, take this quiz to spot unhealthy relationship habits.
It’s natural to feel uncomfortable when you start to question your old patterns and behaviors. But you can recognize that discomfort is a sign that you’re growing as a person. Embrace the discomfort as a chance to learn and change.
Don’t expect other people to validate your choices
You’re the one who knows what’s best for you. So, instead of looking to others to tell you you’re doing the right thing, work on self-healing. Put your energy into your own happiness and well-being, rather than seeking approval from others.
Also, don’t let others pressure you into lowering your standards. You’ve come this far, so protect your progress and don’t react to what other people say or do. You’re in charge here.
Take care of yourself when you feel lonely or start to doubt yourself
It’s common to feel lonely when you start to expect more from the people in your life. But your loneliness is a sign that you’re growing beyond your old relationships and that you’re making space for healthier relationships to come into your life.
Find ways to be comfortable with being alone. Develop hobbies, do things that bring you joy and peace, and build a strong support system of friends and family outside of your romantic relationships.
The Rewards of Raising Your Standards
Raising your standards in a relationship comes with a wealth of benefits that extend far beyond just your romantic life. You’ll find yourself experiencing:
- Increased self-respect, freedom, relief, and confidence. When you know your worth and refuse to settle for less, you’ll feel more in control of your life and your relationships. You’ll feel empowered to make choices that truly serve you.
- Healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Raising your standards acts like a filter, naturally attracting people who are aligned with your values and capable of meeting your needs. After a while, if things are going well, you may want to have the exclusive talk to transition from dating to a committed relationship. You’ll find yourself surrounded by people who lift you up, not drag you down.
- Improved overall well-being and happiness. Prioritizing your needs and values creates a more positive and fulfilling life. When you’re not constantly compromising or settling, you’re free to pursue your passions and live authentically.
Remember to celebrate even the smallest victories. Acknowledging your progress, no matter how small it may seem, will reinforce your commitment to maintaining healthy standards.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to raise standards in a relationship?
Raising your standards in a relationship isn’t about being demanding or unrealistic. It’s about recognizing your worth and setting healthy boundaries. Start by defining your core values and what you truly need from a partner – respect, honesty, emotional support, etc. Communicate these needs clearly and assertively. Be prepared to enforce your boundaries; if your partner consistently disrespects your needs, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Remember, raising your standards is an act of self-love and sets the stage for a more fulfilling and respectful partnership. It’s also important to lead by example; demonstrate the qualities you expect from your partner.
What are the 7 C’s of relationships?
While there isn’t a universally agreed-upon list of “7 C’s of relationships,” common concepts that contribute to healthy relationships include: Communication (open and honest dialogue), Commitment (dedication to the relationship’s growth), Compromise (willingness to meet each other halfway), Compassion (empathy and understanding), Consideration (thoughtfulness towards your partner’s feelings), Consistency (reliable behavior and support), and Connection (emotional and physical intimacy). These elements foster trust, respect, and a strong foundation for a lasting and fulfilling relationship. If you’re looking for ways to reignite the spark, explore proven tips on how to be in love again with your husband.
The Bottom Line
Raising your standards is essential for your well-being and for the health of your relationships. It’s a journey, not a destination, and it calls for commitment, self-knowledge, and a willingness to break old habits.
Take action today. Start small, be kind to yourself, and acknowledge every step forward.
Raising your standards can be life-changing. By demanding more for yourself, you can create a life and relationships that honor your true worth and help you reach your full potential.