Online dating: It’s a minefield, right? So many profiles, so many apps, so many ways to misread a situation or fall for someone who isn’t who they say they are. But for a lot of people, online dating is also the only way to meet someone for a serious relationship.
So how do you sort the good from the bad? The serious from the unserious?
One way is to look for “green flags.” In online dating, green flags are the opposite of red flags. They’re the signs that point to a person being genuine, kind, and worth getting to know better.
Texting is a big part of getting to know someone these days. What does his texting style say about him? Is he respectful? Funny? Thoughtful? Does he seem interested in getting to know you, or is he just looking for something casual?
Here are some green flags in a guy over text to help you navigate the digital dating landscape.
Consistent and genuine communication: He truly listens
When you’re getting to know someone over text, look for these signs that he’s genuinely interested in getting to know you, too.
Active listening through text
Does he respond thoughtfully and engage with your messages, or does he leave you wondering he read my message immediately but didn’t reply: help! He won’t just send one-word answers or ignore your points. He’ll remember details you’ve shared in previous conversations.
He’ll ask follow-up questions to show that he’s curious about your life, thoughts, and feelings. He’ll seek to understand your perspective.
Consistent communication patterns
Does he maintain a regular and predictable texting frequency? He won’t disappear for days without explanation. He’ll establish a comfortable rhythm of communication.
He’ll initiate conversations and show enthusiasm to connect. If the conversation feels spammy, consider the possibility of a hey text message: why do I keep getting these texts? He won’t always wait for you to start the conversation. He’ll express excitement about hearing from you.
Clarity and Honesty: Expressing Intentions Clearly
A guy who’s worth your time will communicate his feelings and intentions in a direct and honest way. He’ll make his feelings about you very clear. He won’t play games or try to keep you guessing.
He’ll also be upfront about what he’s looking for in a relationship. He won’t shy away from discussing his expectations or his relationship goals. He’ll be honest about how much time he has to invest in the relationship and what level of commitment he’s ready for.
Most importantly, his words and actions will match. He won’t send mixed signals, and he certainly won’t try to manipulate or pressure you. You’ll feel secure and confident knowing where you stand with him.
Respectful boundaries: Honoring your comfort zone
When a guy respects your boundaries, that’s a huge green flag. It means he values your time, your feelings, and your autonomy.
Respecting your time and space
A guy with good boundaries will understand your texting preferences. He won’t bombard you with messages or expect you to reply immediately, which are texting signs it’s time to stop texting him. He gets that you have a life, and he respects that.
He also won’t pressure you to share personal information or do things you’re not comfortable with. He understands that trust takes time to build, and he’s patient enough to wait for you to be ready.
Acknowledging and validating your feelings
A guy who cares about your feelings will respond with empathy to your emotions and concerns. He won’t dismiss your feelings or try to invalidate them. Instead, he’ll show understanding and support.
He’ll also respect your decisions and choices, even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with them. He values your independence and won’t try to control your actions or decisions. He understands you are your own person, and he respects that.
Making Time and Effort: Prioritizing the Connection
A guy who’s worth your time will make an effort to incorporate you into his life. Even when life gets crazy, he’ll find moments to connect with you.
He’ll show you he’s willing to invest time and energy into the relationship, prioritizing the connection and demonstrating real commitment. He’s not afraid to put in the effort to make things work, even when it’s not easy.
This also means he’s reliable and dependable in his communication. You can count on him to follow through on his promises, and he’s consistent in his actions and words. He does what he says he’s going to do, and that’s a huge green flag.
Conflict Resolution: Compromise and Understanding
Does he show a willingness to compromise and find solutions when you disagree? This is a huge green flag! He should be willing to meet you halfway and work together to find solutions that satisfy both of you.
How does he communicate when you don’t see eye-to-eye? Does he avoid personal attacks and stay focused on the problem? Does he listen to your perspective and try to understand where you’re coming from?
And perhaps most importantly, does he take responsibility for his actions and apologize when he’s wrong? A guy who isn’t afraid to admit fault and make amends is a keeper. He values your feelings and does his best not to hurt you, and that’s something special.
Future-Oriented Discussions: A Shared Vision
Does he talk about the future? A guy who’s worth your time won’t be afraid to discuss where he sees himself in the coming months and years. Better yet, he’ll include you in those plans and conversations.
Do you share similar values and life aspirations? It’s a great sign if you have a shared vision for the future and common interests. Ideally, your goals should complement each other.
Finally, does he approach future discussions realistically and responsibly? A guy who’s genuinely interested in building a future with you will be honest about the challenges and opportunities ahead. He won’t make unrealistic promises or create false expectations just to impress you.
Comfort and trust: Authenticity and ease
Building comfort and trust over text can be a delicate dance, but it’s essential for fostering a genuine connection. Here’s how a guy might show he’s creating a safe space and building trust through his texts:
Creating a safe and comfortable environment
- He makes you feel comfortable being yourself. You can be authentic and genuine without fear of judgment.
- He encourages open and honest communication, fostering a safe space for vulnerability and transparency. You feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with him.
Building trust through consistency
- His actions align with his words, fostering trust and security. You can rely on him to be consistent and dependable. He builds trust through his integrity and honesty.
- He avoids behaviors that create doubt or insecurity. He doesn’t make you doubt, avoiding situations that could undermine your trust.
Pride and Affection: Showing You Off
One of the biggest green flags a guy can show over text is that he’s proud to be with you. This translates into the real world by him wanting to show you off. He’s happy to introduce you to his friends and family and integrate you into his life.
He also shares positive thoughts and gives genuine compliments. He expresses his admiration and appreciation for you, and he makes you feel valued and cherished.
Finally, he shows affection through words and actions (within appropriate boundaries, of course). He uses affectionate language and gestures in a way that feels comfortable and good.
Conclusion
When you’re texting with a guy, keep an eye out for those green flags: genuine listening, clear communication, respect for boundaries, and signs that you share similar values.
But more than anything, trust your gut. If something feels off, pay attention to that feeling. Your intuition is usually right.
Remember that you deserve to be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship, whether you meet online or IRL. You deserve someone who treats you with respect, love, and kindness. Don’t settle for anything less.