So, you’re in a situationship. Not quite a relationship, not quite not a relationship. It’s that gray area of modern dating where commitment is optional, labels are avoided, and feelings… well, those can get complicated.
More and more people are finding themselves in situationships. Maybe it started casually, or perhaps the timing was off for something more serious. Whatever the reason, ending a situationship can be surprisingly difficult, even though it’s “not official.” Feelings are still involved, and hurt feelings are a real possibility.
If you’re wondering how to end a situationship and stay friends, if that’s even possible, this article is for you. We’ll explore the practical steps you can take to navigate this tricky situation while preserving a friendship – if that’s what both of you truly want and it’s healthy for both of you.
We’ll cover everything from communicating your feelings clearly to establishing healthy boundaries, creating emotional distance, and practicing self-care along the way.
UNDERSTANDING THE LANDSCAPE: Why Situationships End and the Desire for Friendship
Situationships can end for a variety of reasons. Maybe you and the other person have very different expectations about what the relationship should be, which is why it’s important to ask for a relationship to avoid heartache and get clarity.
Perhaps one of you has developed romantic feelings that aren’t reciprocated. Or maybe you’ve both come to the conclusion that a relationship without commitment simply isn’t sustainable in the long run.
But why try to stay friends? Maybe you genuinely care about this person and value their presence in your life. Maybe you share interests, a social circle, or a history that you don’t want to lose. Or, let’s be honest, maybe you’re just afraid of losing the connection altogether.
Keep in mind that trying to be friends immediately after a situationship ends can be tricky. Unequal feelings and expectations can make it difficult to establish new boundaries. Plus, it can prolong the emotional pain and make it harder to move on.
The importance of clear communication
Ending a situationship can be tricky, but it’s essential to be honest with yourself and the other person involved. Here’s how to navigate that conversation:
Preparing for the conversation
Before you talk to the other person, spend some time reflecting on your feelings. Why do you want to end things? What are your needs and boundaries in a relationship? Getting clear on these points will help you communicate more effectively.
Also, think about the best time and place to have this conversation. Choose a setting where you both feel comfortable and can talk privately.
Initiating the conversation
When you start talking, be direct and honest about your feelings and intentions. Avoid mixed signals or ambiguity. Think “power parting” – clear, kind, and concise.
Use “I” statements to express your perspective without blaming the other person. For example:
- “I’ve realized that I need more commitment than this relationship offers.”
- “I value our connection, but I don’t see a long-term future for us romantically.”
Navigating the “friendship” question
Be honest about whether you genuinely want to be friends. Don’t offer friendship out of guilt or obligation. It’s okay if you need space or if you don’t see a platonic relationship working.
Acknowledge that friendship might not be possible immediately, or ever. Respect the other person’s feelings and decision, even if it’s not what you hoped for.
Establishing boundaries and creating emotional distance
So you’ve decided that remaining friends is the right path. Now comes the hard part: making sure you can both stay in that lane. That means setting some rules of the road. Boundaries are crucial for both of you after ending a situationship.
They prevent emotional entanglement and confusion. They also give you both space to heal and grow as individuals. Let’s face it: Setting boundaries can be incredibly difficult, especially if strong feelings are still in the mix. Here’s how to do it:
- Reduce contact. This might seem obvious, but you’ll need to limit texting, calls, and social media interactions. Explain why emotional distance is important at this stage.
- Avoid romantic situations. That means no more late-night Netflix binges or “accidental” sleepovers.
- Be mindful of your emotional triggers. Avoid dwelling on the past. Don’t rehash old memories or analyze what went wrong.
- Communicate your boundaries clearly and consistently. This is where you’re going to have to put on your big kid pants and clearly and calmly explain the boundaries you’re trying to set. Let them know that you’re serious about preserving the friendship, but that you can’t do it if you’re still acting like more than friends.
Navigating social situations
If you have mutual friends, things get tricky. Discuss how you’ll handle social gatherings. Will you arrive and leave together? Will you avoid each other entirely? Be prepared to set boundaries with others who might try to push you back together. Nosey friends and family members will need to understand that you’ve made a decision and that you need their support to follow through.
ACKNOWLEDGING THE RELATIONSHIP AND ALLOWING YOURSELF TO GRIEVE
First, give yourself permission to feel sad, disappointed, and even angry. Situationships can be surprisingly tough on your emotions, and they can leave you feeling oddly alone.
Even though it wasn’t “official,” give yourself room to grieve the loss of the relationship. Mourning the loss of something that could have been, or the end of a connection you thought was there, is a necessary part of healing and moving on, but what if you’re breaking up with the love of your life? Is it really over?
Don’t downplay your feelings or compare your experience to anyone else’s. Getting over someone is a highly personal experience, and there’s no set timeline for when you “should” be feeling better. Some people take a week, others a year—or longer.
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with compassion and understanding. Remember that you’re going through a difficult time, and it’s okay to not be okay.
Acknowledging the relationship for what it was—even if it wasn’t a clearly defined, official partnership—is a crucial step toward finding closure and eventually moving forward.
FOCUSING ON SELF-CARE AND PERSONAL GROWTH
Ending any kind of relationship, even a “situationship,” can be difficult. It’s important to focus on yourself and your well-being as you move forward.
Now is the time to double down on taking care of yourself. Do whatever brings you joy and helps you relax. This could be anything from taking long baths to reading a good book to spending time in nature. The point is to make your emotional and physical health a priority.
What are you passionate about? What do you love to do? Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn to play the guitar or write a novel. Now is the perfect time to invest in your interests and hobbies.
Surround yourself with the people who love and support you. Spend time with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself. They’ll be there to listen and offer encouragement as you navigate this transition.
If you’re struggling to cope with the end of the situationship, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and support as you process your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Finally, remember that every relationship, even one that didn’t work out, can teach you something about yourself. Take time to reflect on what you learned from the situationship and how you can use that knowledge to grow as a person.
Re-evaluating the Possibility of Friendship
After you’ve had a chance to cool down and get some emotional distance, ask yourself if you really want to be friends with this person and whether a friendship would be healthy for you both.
Have you both moved on? Can you both agree on some firm boundaries and stick to them?
If so, you can start slowly, maybe by connecting about some shared interest. As time goes on, you can gradually rebuild a friendship, as long as you both agree not to rehash the past or discuss the previous quasi-romantic relationship.
Finally, be prepared to accept that a friendship might not be possible right now. It might not be possible ever. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be friends with everyone, and sometimes, walking away is the healthiest thing you can do.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the exit strategy for the situationship?
An exit strategy from a situationship involves clear and honest communication. First, be sure about what you want. Then, express your feelings and needs directly to the other person. State that you are looking for something more defined or different, and that the current arrangement isn’t meeting your needs. Be prepared for them to not feel the same way. Set boundaries and stick to them. A clean break might be needed for both of you to move on healthily.
How do you distance yourself from a situationship?
Distancing yourself requires conscious effort. Reduce communication frequency and avoid initiating contact. Limit physical intimacy and dates. Spend more time with friends and family, rediscovering your own interests. Focus on self-care and activities that bring you joy. Remember your worth and affirm your needs. If the other person continues to pursue the situationship dynamic, reinforce your boundaries firmly.
Are you single if you are in a situationship?
Technically, yes. A situationship lacks the commitment and exclusivity of a formal relationship. However, it’s important to be honest with yourself and others about your involvement. While you may be single on paper, emotionally, you might not be entirely available. Clarify your status and intentions to avoid confusion and potential hurt feelings, both for yourself and anyone else you might interact with romantically.
Can you stay friends after a situationship?
It’s possible, but it’s often difficult. It requires both parties to be genuinely okay with transitioning to a platonic relationship and to respect each other’s boundaries. Time and space are often needed initially. If one person still harbors romantic feelings, a friendship may be too painful. Open communication and a willingness to redefine the relationship are essential for successful friendship.
The Bottom Line
Ending a situationship requires clear communication, firm boundaries, and a dedication to self-care. Most of all, it requires a commitment to prioritizing your own emotional well-being, even if that means letting go of the friendship entirely.
Try to reframe your perspective and focus on the opportunities that are now available to you. Ending a relationship, even one that’s not clearly defined, is an act of kindness to yourself and the other person, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first.
Remember that healing takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this transition and remember that you deserve to be in relationships that are fulfilling, supportive, and clearly defined.