Life is busy. Between work, kids, bills, and everything else you juggle, it’s easy to let your marriage take a backseat. Many couples find the spark fades after the initial “honeymoon phase” wears off, and outside stressors can put a strain on even the strongest relationships.
That’s why it’s so important to prioritize your marriage. One great way to do this is to actively date your spouse.
Regularly dating your spouse strengthens your emotional connection and keeps the spark alive. Think of it as ongoing maintenance, not just a temporary fix when things get tough.
This guide provides actionable strategies on how to start dating your spouse again and reignite the romance. We’ll explore rediscovering shared interests, planning meaningful dates (even on a budget!), and improving communication to deepen your bond.
Consider this guide an investment in your marriage, one that will pay dividends in long-term happiness and fulfillment for both of you. So, let’s dive in and explore how to bring back the fun, excitement, and connection you deserve.
Why dating your spouse goes by the wayside
It’s easy for a marriage to slowly evolve from a passionate romance into a comfortable partnership. So, what happens? Why do couples stop dating?
The trap of routine and complacency
When you fall into a predictable routine, the excitement can fade. Daily life can overshadow the need for dedicated couple time, and you may start taking each other for granted.
Here are a few subtle signs that your relationship has stagnated:
- Fewer spontaneous moments
- Less intimate conversation
- A feeling of distance even when you’re physically close
External pressures and time constraints
Demanding careers and busy schedules can drain your energy and limit your availability for dates. Long hours can leave little time for quality time with your spouse. The demands of parenting and family responsibilities can also cut into your couple time.
When you’re raising children, your kids often become your central focus. The sheer exhaustion of parenting can make date nights seem impossible.
Communication breakdown and unresolved conflicts
Poor communication habits can erode your connection. Avoiding difficult conversations can lead to resentment, and a lack of open and honest dialogue can hinder emotional intimacy. Lingering disagreements can create emotional distance, so you need to address conflicts constructively to maintain a healthy relationship.
Rediscovering each other: Uncovering shared interests and new adventures
When you’re trying to rekindle the spark in your marriage, it’s important to do more than just spend time in the same room. It’s important to connect.
Rekindle shared passions
What did you and your spouse love to do together when you first started dating? Did you hike? Dance? Attend concerts? Look back on those early experiences and try to recapture that magic.
Make a list of activities you both enjoy, no matter how long it’s been since you did them. Dedicate some time to doing those things together.
Explore new hobbies and activities together
One of the best ways to get to know someone again is to experience new things together. Try a cooking class. Go wine tasting. Learn a new language.
If you’re feeling especially brave, sign up for a class or workshop. Learning new skills creates common ground and gives you something to talk about. Shared accomplishments boost confidence and strengthen your bond. Plus, who knows? You might just discover a new passion that you can share.
Don’t forget your own interests
While it’s important to find shared activities, it’s equally important to maintain your own individual hobbies and interests. A fulfilling personal life makes you a more interesting partner.
Having separate interests prevents codependency and allows for independent growth. Plus, sharing your individual experiences with your spouse can broaden their perspective and strengthen your connection.
Planning meaningful date nights: quality time and intentional connection
The key to reconnecting with your spouse is to make time for each other. Here’s how to make your date nights work for you:
The art of prioritization and scheduling
Make date nights a non-negotiable part of your week or month. Treat them like important appointments you can’t easily cancel. Schedule them in advance to avoid conflicts and ensure you’re both committed to the plan.
If weekends are consistently busy, consider alternative days or times. Use calendars and shared schedules to coordinate your date nights effectively. This way, you’re both on the same page, and your time together becomes a priority.
Date night ideas: from intimate evenings to adventurous outings
Whether you’re looking for a cozy night in or an exciting adventure, here are some ideas, like these at-home date night ideas for married couples, to spark your imagination:
- Romantic at-home date nights to foster intimacy: Prepare a special meal together, light candles, and put on relaxing music. Enjoy a movie night with cozy blankets and snacks. Play board games or card games for a fun and lighthearted evening.
- Exploring local restaurants, cultural events, and outdoor activities: Try a new cuisine at a local restaurant or attend a concert or theater performance. Go for a hike, bike ride, or picnic in a nearby park. Visit a museum or art gallery to stimulate conversation and creativity.
Remember to tailor your dates to your shared interests and preferences. Choose activities you both genuinely enjoy to maximize engagement and connection. Consider your budget, energy levels, and time constraints when planning dates.
The importance of being present and engaged
During your date nights, minimize distractions and focus on each other. Put away your phones and turn off notifications to avoid interruptions. Create a dedicated space for conversation and connection.
Practice active listening and show genuine interest in your spouse’s thoughts and feelings. Ask open-ended questions, such as these conversation starters, and listen attentively to their responses. Validate their emotions and offer support and encouragement. When you’re fully present, you create a deeper connection and strengthen your bond.
Communication and emotional intimacy: Building a deeper connection
One of the most important ways to rekindle the spark and start dating your spouse again is to improve your communication and emotional intimacy.
Cultivate open and honest communication
Create a safe space where you and your spouse can be vulnerable, where you can share your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or criticism. Trust and empathy are key to encouraging open dialogue. When your spouse shares something with you, listen without interrupting and respond with understanding, not judgment.
Practice active listening. Pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues to truly understand your spouse’s perspective. Reflect back what you hear to ensure you’ve understood correctly.
Express affection and appreciation
Tell your spouse how much you appreciate them and their contributions to your life. Express your love and admiration openly and frequently. Verbal affirmations can make a big difference. Don’t underestimate the power of saying “thank you” and “I love you.”
Physical touch is also crucial. Hold hands, cuddle, and engage in other forms of physical affection. Offer a comforting hug or a gentle touch to show support and care. Nonverbal expressions of love can speak volumes.
Navigate conflict constructively
Every couple argues. The key is to learn how to navigate conflict in a healthy way. Start by identifying common triggers and patterns in your arguments. What are the underlying issues that fuel your disagreements? Develop strategies for addressing these issues proactively.
Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing your spouse. For example, instead of saying “You always make me feel…”, try saying “I feel… when you…”. Take responsibility for your own actions and reactions during a conflict.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you may struggle to resolve conflicts on your own. In these situations, consider couples therapy or counseling. A therapist can provide guidance and support in improving communication and strengthening your relationship. There’s no shame in seeking help; it’s a sign of strength and a commitment to your marriage.
Keeping the romance alive: Small gestures, big impact
Think back to when you were dating. What did you do to woo your partner? What made them feel special? Those actions may have fallen by the wayside as daily life and family obligations took over, but it’s never too late to rekindle the spark.
The power of thoughtful gestures
Surprise gifts and acts of kindness can go a long way in showing your love and appreciation. Leave a handwritten note expressing your feelings, bring home their favorite snack, or plan a surprise outing to a place they’ve always wanted to visit. These small gestures can have a significant impact on their mood and feelings, reminding them that you’re thinking of them.
You can also plan special dates or getaways as a surprise. Whisk your spouse away for a romantic weekend at a cozy bed and breakfast or a spontaneous adventure to a nearby city. Creating lasting memories and strengthening your bond through shared experiences is an important part of keeping the romance alive.
Prioritizing physical intimacy
As life gets busy, it’s easy to let physical intimacy take a backseat. However, making time for intimacy and physical connection is essential for maintaining a strong and fulfilling relationship. Schedule time for intimacy just as you would any other important appointment. Create a relaxing and sensual atmosphere to enhance the experience.
Don’t be afraid to explore different forms of physical expression and intimacy. Communicate your desires and preferences openly and honestly, and be open to trying new things and exploring different ways to connect physically.
Reflecting on shared memories
Reminiscing about past experiences and milestones can be a powerful way to reconnect with your spouse and reignite feelings of love and nostalgia. Look through old photos, watch home videos, or revisit places that hold special significance for both of you. Share stories and memories to strengthen your bond and create a sense of shared history.
You can also create new traditions and rituals as a couple. Establish routines that are unique to your relationship and that reinforce your connection. Celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions in meaningful ways that reflect your love and commitment to each other.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it possible to start over in a marriage?
Absolutely. While you can’t erase the past, you can consciously create a new chapter in your marriage. It takes effort from both partners, a willingness to forgive, and a commitment to building a stronger connection. Think of it as renovating your relationship, keeping the good foundation but updating the interior design. Communication, empathy, and a shared vision for the future are key ingredients for a successful restart.
How to start repairing a broken marriage?
Repairing a broken marriage begins with open and honest communication. Each partner needs to express their feelings and needs without blame. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can provide a safe space to work through difficult issues. Small acts of kindness and appreciation can also make a big difference. Focus on rebuilding trust and connection through shared activities and quality time.
What is the 7-7-7 rule for dating?
The 7-7-7 rule is a guideline for prioritizing quality time in your marriage. It suggests that you should have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every 6 months, and a week-long vacation every year. It’s not a rigid rule, but rather a reminder to invest in your relationship and create opportunities for connection outside of daily routines. Adjust it to fit your budget and lifestyle, but the core principle is to intentionally schedule time for romance and intimacy.
Summary
Prioritizing your relationship with your spouse can have a lasting positive impact. Couples who regularly date each other tend to report more satisfaction, intimacy, and overall happiness. When you invest in your marriage, you’re investing in your individual well-being and the happiness of your entire family.
But it’s important to remember that maintaining a strong marriage is a commitment that never ends. Relationships require constant effort, clear communication, and a willingness to adapt as life changes. You’ll face challenges along the way, but you’ll also have successes to celebrate. It’s all part of the journey.
So, keep exploring new ways to connect with your spouse and grow together as a couple. Be open to new experiences, learn from each other’s perspectives, and support each other’s dreams and goals. Remember that your marriage is a unique and ever-evolving journey, and by prioritizing your relationship, you can create a bond that lasts a lifetime.