Love is complicated. It’s a mix of emotions, thoughts, and social expectations that can be hard to untangle.
The sociologist John Alan Lee came up with a theory that there are six main love styles: Eros, Storge, Ludus, Pragma, Mania, and Agape. To better understand which one resonates with you, consider exploring a relationship guide about the 6 love styles.
This article will zoom in on the selfless, giving style of love known as agape love style, exploring its characteristics, how it plays out in relationships, and what some potential downsides might be.
Understanding the Six Love Styles
The ancient Greeks had several words for love, and each one represented a different aspect of the emotion. Here are the six love styles that psychologists often refer to today:
- Eros: Passionate Love. This style is characterized by intense passion, physical attraction, and emotional connection.
- Storge: Companionate Love. This style is all about friendship, trust, and commitment.
- Ludus: Game-Playing Love. This style focuses on the enjoyment of the chase, tends to avoid commitment, and may involve multiple partners.
- Pragma: Practical Love. This style takes a rational and logical approach to finding a partner, often based on shared goals and compatibility.
- Mania: Obsessive Love. This style is often marked by possessiveness, jealousy, and anxiety about the relationship.
- Agape: Selfless Love. This style is characterized by unconditional love, selflessness, and a focus on the well-being of the partner.
So, where does agape fit into this broad spectrum of love styles? Read on to find out!
What is agape love?
Agape is one of six love styles identified by psychologist John Lee, in his 1973 book, “The Colors of Love.” It’s considered the purest form of love.
Core characteristics
Agape is selfless. If you’re practicing agape, you care far more about the other person’s happiness than your own. You give without expecting anything in return because you believe it’s your responsibility to do so. The key traits of agape are:
- forgiveness
- patience
- understanding
- loyalty
- sacrifice
Agape vs. other love styles
Here’s how agape differs from some of the other love styles:
- Eros (passionate love). Agape doesn’t focus on self-interest the way eros does.
- Ludus (game-playing love). Agape is serious and committed. Ludus is not.
- Mania (obsessive love). Agape isn’t possessive or jealous. Mania is.
The Role of Agape in Relationships
Agape is often associated with older people who have attained emotional maturity. They tend to value logic and intention over feelings and physical attraction, which are often the driving forces in younger relationships. These traits align with qualities of a good woman, valuing commitment and understanding.
When practiced in a relationship, agape can foster a deep and lasting connection. By putting the other person’s needs first, partners can establish a foundation of trust and security, which can also be achieved by understanding love language examples.
Agape is useful in long-term partnerships, offering couples a way to navigate challenges and maintain a strong bond over the years.
Many researchers believe that agape is associated with the transition from romantic love to what’s known as companionate love, a mature love style that can lead to greater relationship satisfaction for both partners.
Potential Drawbacks and Considerations
Agape is wonderful, but it’s not without its risks.
First, you might neglect your own needs. Giving unconditionally can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, or even being taken advantage of if you’re not careful. It’s easy to pour all your energy into your partner and forget about yourself.
A dark side of agape can be unhealthy martyrdom. This is where you prioritize the relationship above your own well-being, which isn’t sustainable in the long run.
The key is balance. Strive to care deeply for your partner, but don’t forget to care for yourself too. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you don’t want to burn out.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does the agape love style refer to?
Agape love, in the context of love styles, refers to a selfless, unconditional, and altruistic form of love. It’s characterized by putting the needs and well-being of the other person above your own, often without expecting anything in return. Think of it as a compassionate and devoted love.
What is the rarest love style?
While it’s difficult to definitively say which love style is the absolute rarest, agape is often considered one of the least commonly exhibited. Its demanding nature, which emphasizes selflessness and sacrifice, makes it a challenging love style to consistently maintain in a relationship. Storge (friendship-based love) is also sometimes cited as less common than eros or ludus.
What are the four characteristics of agape love?
Agape love often shows these characteristics: empathy (deeply understanding and sharing the feelings of your partner), compassion (a genuine concern for your partner’s well-being), selflessness (willing to put your partner’s needs before your own, and unconditional acceptance (loving your partner for who they are, flaws and all). It’s a deeply giving and supportive love.
What are examples of agape love?
Examples of agape love can be found in acts of selfless caregiving, such as a parent tirelessly supporting a child with a disability, or someone dedicating their life to helping those in need. It can also be seen in romantic relationships where partners consistently prioritize each other’s happiness and growth, even when facing challenges. Think of a couple weathering significant hardship while supporting each other’s dreams.
The Bottom Line
Agape is a selfless kind of love that prioritizes the well-being of your partner above all else.
There are benefits and drawbacks to Agape. While it can be a beautiful way to connect with another person, it’s important to remember that balance and self-care are also important.
When practiced in a healthy way, Agape can foster meaningful, long-lasting relationships.