Love. It’s complicated, right? What it means to you might be totally different for someone else. We all experience it and show it in our own way.
That’s why researchers have tried to categorize love into different styles. One of the most well-known theories is John Alan Lee’s Color Wheel Theory of Love, which proposes that love can be broken down into six distinct styles, much like the color wheel combines primary colors to create new shades.
These 6 love styles are Eros, Storge, Ludus, Mania, Agape, and Pragma.
This article dives into each of these love styles, exploring their characteristics and how they might influence your relationships. Understanding your own love style, as well as your partner’s, can offer valuable insights and, like following boyfriend rules, potentially enhance your relationship satisfaction. So, let’s explore the fascinating world of love and its many colorful expressions.
Eros: Passionate Love
Eros is all about that initial spark. It’s those intense feelings of desire and attraction, the kind that make you feel like you’ve been struck by lightning, and a great starting point to embrace romantic connection. This love style thrives on a strong physical and emotional connection. Think “love at first sight” – that’s Eros in action.
Eros lovers are often highly romantic and expressive, focusing on physical appearance and immediate gratification. They’re swept away by the passion and excitement of a new relationship.
Potential Challenges of Eros
While the intensity of Eros can be incredibly exciting, it can also be fleeting. If not supported by other love styles, it may not be long-lasting. That initial spark can fade over time, leaving you wondering what happened to all that passion.
Eros can also be overwhelming, leading to unrealistic expectations. Partners may idealize each other, creating a fantasy that’s difficult to maintain in the long run. Disappointment can set in when the reality of the relationship doesn’t match the idealized version.
Ludus: Playful Love
If you’re a ludus lover, you see love as a game. Commitment? Seriousness? Those concepts aren’t part of your game plan. You’re all about enjoyment and having fun, without any emotional investment. You’re not looking to build a life with anyone; you’re looking for a good time.
The ludus style avoids deep emotional connections and long-term relationships. In fact, ludus lovers may juggle multiple partners simultaneously. It’s all about keeping things light and carefree.
Potential Challenges of Ludus
This love style can be tricky. Those seeking commitment might see it as insincere or even manipulative. Partners may feel like they’re being used or that they don’t matter. After all, it’s tough to feel special when you know you’re one of many.
The ludus style can also make it difficult to form lasting, meaningful relationships. The lack of emotional depth can hinder intimacy. While fun is important, it’s not the only ingredient for a love that lasts.
Storge: Familial or Platonic Love
Storge (pronounced STOR-gay) is the love you share with your family members and close friends. It’s a love based on companionship rather than romance. Storge is a slow-burn kind of love that grows out of shared interests, history, and a deep psychological connection.
Characteristics of Storge
A relationship built on storge emphasizes:
- stability
- commitment
- emotional intimacy
- shared values
Potential Strengths and Challenges of Storge
A storge-based relationship is built on trust and respect and can provide a solid foundation for long-term commitment. But it can also be missing the initial passion and excitement that some people crave in a romance. If you’re looking for fireworks, storge might not be your thing.
Pragma: Practical Love
Pragma is all about practicality. People who lead with pragma are driven by rational considerations and compatibility. They want to find someone who checks all the boxes, focusing on shared goals, values, and life circumstances.
Pragmatic lovers carefully evaluate potential partners based on practical factors. They have a list, and they’re checking it twice. They’re looking for someone who fits into their life plan.
Strengths of Pragma
The upside? Pragma can lead to long-term compatibility and stability. These relationships are built on a solid foundation of shared values and goals, making them less likely to crumble under pressure.
Challenges of Pragma
The downside? It may lack spontaneity and emotional connection. Pragma can sometimes be perceived as calculating or unemotional. It’s all about the head, not the heart, which can leave the relationship feeling a little… sterile.
Mania: Obsessive Love
This is a love style that is characterized by possessiveness, volatility, and codependency. If you’re a manic lover, you’re also likely to be intensely jealous and anxious about your relationship.
Characteristics of mania
- Obsessive thoughts and behaviors directed toward your partner
- Tendency to seek constant approval from your partner
Potential challenges of mania
Manic love is generally considered unhealthy and unsustainable because of its intensity and instability. It can lead to controlling behavior and even emotional abuse.
If you find that you tend toward manic love in relationships, you may want to explore your attachment style, which is the attachment pattern you formed with your caregivers when you were a child. Attachment patterns have been shown to have a big effect on how you behave in relationships later in life.
Agape: Selfless Love
Agape means unconditional love. It’s the kind of love that puts your partner’s needs above your own. You might think of it as “charity” or “brotherly love.” When you’re practicing agape, your partner’s well-being is your primary concern.
Characteristics of Agape
- You show caring, generosity, and kindness.
- You’re altruistic and compassionate.
- You’re supportive and forgiving.
Potential Strengths and Challenges of Agape
When both partners are practicing agape, the relationship satisfaction is high. There’s a strong bond of trust and mutual respect.
However, it’s important to make sure you’re also practicing self-care because too much selflessness can lead to self-neglect. To achieve the best results, you’ll want to balance caring for your partner with caring for yourself.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 6 love attitudes?
The “6 love attitudes” is another way of referring to the six distinct love styles identified by psychologist John Lee. These aren’t just fleeting feelings, but rather deeply ingrained ways of approaching and experiencing romantic relationships. Understanding these attitudes can offer invaluable insights into your own behavior and the dynamics of your relationships.
What are the six forms of love?
When we talk about the “six forms of love,” we are likely referencing John Lee’s color wheel theory. These six forms are Eros (passionate love), Ludus (game-playing love), Storge (friendship love), Mania (obsessive love – a combination of Eros and Ludus), Pragma (practical love – a combination of Ludus and Storge), and Agape (selfless love – a combination of Eros and Storge). Each form represents a different blend of emotions, motivations, and behaviors within a romantic relationship.
What are the six love styles according to John Lee?
According to John Lee, the six love styles are Eros, Ludus, Storge, Mania, Pragma, and Agape. Eros is characterized by intense passion and physical attraction. Ludus is a playful, non-committal approach to love. Storge emphasizes friendship and gradual commitment. Mania is an obsessive and possessive style. Pragma is practical and based on compatibility. Agape is selfless, unconditional love. Most people exhibit a combination of these styles, with one or two being dominant.
The Bottom Line
Hopefully, now you have a better understanding of the six love styles and what makes each one unique. Every love style offers a different perspective on relationships.
The more self-aware you are, the better you’ll understand your own style and the style of your partner. Understanding these things can improve communication, increase satisfaction, and enhance the dynamics of your relationship.
Consider exploring the six love styles to improve your understanding of love and relationships, and consider implementing love language examples to strengthen your bond. If you’re having trouble, couples counseling may help you address challenges and improve communication.