Starting a new relationship can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. You’re getting to know someone new, discovering shared interests, and navigating uncharted emotional territory. It’s normal to feel a little anxious.
New relationship anxiety (NRA) is that feeling of worry, insecurity, and doubt that can creep in during the early stages of a romance. Maybe you find yourself overthinking every text message, constantly seeking reassurance from your partner, or fearing abandonment. These are all common signs of NRA.
It’s important to remember that experiencing anxiety in a new relationship is a normal part of the human experience. Opening yourself up to someone and becoming vulnerable can trigger a range of emotions, including anxiety.
So, how long does new relationship anxiety last? That’s what we’ll explore in this article. While the intensity and duration of NRA can vary from person to person, we’ll provide a general timeline and offer practical strategies for managing anxiety and building a healthy, secure connection with your new partner.
What is new relationship anxiety?
Relationship anxiety is a persistent worry and nervousness that dogs you in your romantic relationships. It can affect your overall happiness and well-being, causing you to doubt your relationship, your partner, and even yourself. And although relationship anxiety can occur in both early and established relationships, the focus here is on the early stages of relationships.
Here are some common signs of new relationship anxiety:
- Doubting your partner’s feelings for you
- Wondering if you really matter to them
- Needing or seeking frequent reassurance
- Constantly asking if they like you or if they’re happy
- Worrying that they want to break up or are losing interest
- Fear of abandonment
- Questioning long-term compatibility
- Doubting whether you’re a good match
Why you might feel anxious about a new relationship
Here are some potential causes of new relationship anxiety:
Past relationship experiences
If you’ve been through relationship trauma in the past, that may be causing you to feel anxious now. Maybe you’ve experienced heartbreak or betrayal, and you’re afraid that you’ll repeat those negative experiences.
It’s also possible that you’re carrying emotional baggage from past relationships, and that’s affecting your current connection.
Attachment style
Attachment styles describe how you relate to people in your life, including your romantic partners.
If you have an insecure attachment style, such as anxious or avoidant, that may be causing you to feel anxious in a new relationship.
- Anxious attachment is when you’re afraid of abandonment and feel like you constantly need reassurance.
- Avoidant attachment means you’re afraid of intimacy and tend to withdraw from your partners.
It’s good to remember, though, that even if your attachment style isn’t ideal, you can still make changes to live a better life.
Low self-esteem
If you have low self-esteem, you may doubt whether you’re worthy of love and affection. You may also doubt your partner’s feelings for you, and you may be constantly seeking validation from them.
Tendency to question and overthink
Some people tend to overanalyze situations and relationships, and that can lead to constant doubt and worry, especially in the early stages of a relationship.
HOW LONG DOES NEW RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY TYPICALLY LAST?
Unfortunately, there’s no magic number or guaranteed timeline for how long new relationship anxiety (NRA) will stick around. It’s different for everyone, and a lot of factors can influence how quickly it fades (or doesn’t).
Here are some of the big players that affect how long you might be feeling anxious in a new relationship:
- Your personality and how you deal with stress. Some people are just naturally more prone to anxiety than others, and some have developed better coping mechanisms.
- The level of trust and security in the relationship. A relationship built on open communication and consistent actions that build trust will naturally ease anxiety faster.
- External stressors. If either of you is dealing with a lot of stress outside the relationship (work, family, finances), it can definitely fuel the flames of anxiety.
- Whether you’re actively working on managing your anxiety. Ignoring it won’t make it go away!
Here’s a general idea of what you might expect:
- Short-term: For some, the anxiety might start to ease up within the first few weeks or months as you build trust and get to know each other better.
- Longer-term: For others, it can linger for several months or even longer, especially if there are deeper issues that aren’t being addressed.
- The ideal scenario: If you’re both committed to building a healthy relationship with open communication and trust, the anxiety should gradually decrease over time.
When to get help: If your anxiety is seriously messing with your daily life, your relationships, or just your overall well-being, it’s a good idea to talk to a professional. A therapist can help you figure out what’s causing the anxiety and give you tools to manage it. Couples therapy can also be a great way to tackle relationship anxiety together as a team.
How to manage new relationship anxiety
If you’re feeling anxious in a new relationship, don’t worry. There are steps you can take to soothe your worries and enjoy the present moment. Here are a few ideas that may help.
Self-awareness and mindfulness
Start by tuning into your body and mind. Become aware of what triggers your anxiety and the kinds of thoughts that swirl around in your head when you’re feeling anxious. Once you recognize your triggers, you can start to manage them.
Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing, can also help you stay grounded in the present moment and reduce your worries about the future.
Communication is key
Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. Being open and honest can strengthen your bond and build trust. Use “I” statements to express your emotions without blaming your partner. For example, instead of saying “You make me feel insecure,” try “I feel insecure when…”
Listening to your partner is just as important. Pay attention to their needs and feelings, validate their experiences, and offer support.
Maintain your identity
Don’t lose yourself in the relationship. Continue pursuing your own hobbies, interests, and friendships. Having a strong sense of self will boost your confidence and reduce your anxiety.
Challenge negative thoughts
When you notice negative thoughts creeping in, challenge them. Ask yourself if they’re based on facts or assumptions. Reframe those thoughts into more positive and realistic ones. For example, instead of thinking “They’re going to leave me,” try “I’m a lovable person, and I deserve to be happy.”
Self-care
Make self-care a priority. Do things that bring you joy and relaxation, such as taking a bath, reading a book, or spending time in nature. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to handle anxiety.
Avoid acting on anxious impulses
Resist the urge to constantly check your partner’s phone or social media. Acting on these impulses will only reinforce your anxiety and damage the relationship.
DISTINGUISHING ANXIETY FROM GUT FEELINGS
One of the most important things you can do is to understand the difference between anxiety and intuition. It’s easy to confuse the two, especially when you’re caught up in the excitement of a new relationship.
Anxiety tends to be persistent and overwhelming, and it often comes with physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweaty palms. It can be triggered by past experiences or insecurities that have nothing to do with your new partner.
On the other hand, gut feelings are usually clear, quick assessments based on what’s happening right now. They’re often based on subtle cues and can provide valuable insights. You shouldn’t ignore them.
When you’re not sure whether you’re experiencing anxiety or intuition, talk to a trusted friend or family member. An outside perspective can help you sort through your feelings and make the right decision.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to stop feeling anxious in a new relationship
Managing new relationship anxiety involves a multi-faceted approach. Prioritize open and honest communication with your partner, sharing your feelings and concerns. Practice self-care activities like exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones to reduce overall stress. Challenge negative thought patterns and focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. If anxiety persists, consider seeking support from a therapist.
What is the best therapy for relationship anxiety?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is often effective for addressing relationship anxiety. CBT helps you identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to anxiety. Attachment-based therapy can also be helpful, especially if your anxiety stems from past relationship experiences or attachment issues. A therapist can help you determine the most appropriate approach for your specific needs.
Does new relationship anxiety go away?
Yes, new relationship anxiety typically diminishes over time as you and your partner build trust, establish a secure attachment, and become more comfortable with each other. However, if the anxiety is severe or persistent, it may indicate underlying issues that require professional intervention. Consistent communication and self-awareness are key to managing and overcoming anxiety in a new relationship.
Is it normal to feel anxious when you first start dating someone?
Yes, it’s completely normal to experience some anxiety when you first start dating someone. The uncertainty of a new relationship, the desire to make a good impression, and fear of rejection can all contribute to feelings of anxiety. However, if the anxiety becomes overwhelming or interferes with your ability to enjoy the relationship, it’s important to address it proactively.
To Conclude
New relationship anxiety is common, and it’s also manageable. If you’re aware of what’s happening, you can communicate with your partner and find coping strategies that help you navigate the challenges of a new relationship.
It takes time and effort to build a healthy relationship, so be patient with yourself and your partner. You’re building trust and learning to connect.
Try to focus on the here and now, and appreciate the good things about your relationship. Celebrate your connection.
But if your anxiety doesn’t get better or starts to feel overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can help you manage your anxiety and build a relationship that feels safe and fulfilling.