The ability to form relationships is an essential part of being human. Our relationships provide support, joy, and the opportunity for personal growth, helping you build and maintain relationships.
But healthy relationships don’t just happen. They’re built. Commitment and compromise are essential ingredients for strong connections.
This guide will explore key principles and actionable strategies for building and maintaining fulfilling relationships.
We’ll cover setting boundaries, communicating effectively, managing conflict, and navigating change.
Want to know how to make a relationship work? By understanding these principles, you can create relationships that are resilient, supportive, and enriching.
Our goal is to provide practical advice that can be applied to friendships, family connections, and romantic partnerships.
Laying the foundation: Self-awareness and priorities
Before you can build a healthy relationship with someone else, you need to understand yourself. What makes you tick? What are your emotional triggers? What qualities do you value most in a partner?
Understanding yourself
Self-awareness is the bedrock of any successful relationship. Get to know yourself, your emotions, and your needs. Reflect on past relationships and identify what qualities you prioritize. When you know your own needs and values, you’re better equipped to communicate them effectively. This includes understanding your emotional triggers and how you react in different situations. It also means identifying qualities you need in order to be happy.
Defining relationship priorities
Discuss your relationship priorities early on to ensure compatibility. For some, it’s kindness; for others, it’s empathy or financial stability. None of these priorities are “wrong,” but it’s important to identify and communicate them.
Having open and honest conversations about important topics early on can prevent issues down the line. Don’t be afraid to talk about finances, children, healthcare, and other significant life decisions.
COMMUNICATION: The lifeline of any relationship
When you think about the couples you know who seem to be thriving, what do they have in common? Chances are, they’re all great communicators. And it makes sense, right? Communication can be the glue that holds a relationship together—or the sledgehammer that breaks it apart. Here’s how to make sure your communication style is helping, not hurting, your relationship.
Open and Honest Dialogue
Talking openly and honestly is key to resolving disagreements, building trust, and creating a deeper understanding between you and your partner. It’s about letting them know how you feel without them having to play detective. Being able to openly discuss your differences is also crucial, as it allows you to navigate challenges together and grow as a couple.
Don’t wait for problems to fester. Take the initiative to address difficult conversations head-on. Prepare yourself mentally for the conversation, and let your partner know you’d like to talk. Using “I feel…” sentence starters can help you express your feelings constructively and avoid placing blame.
Active Listening and Empathy
Listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s about understanding your partner’s perspective. Pay attention to what they’re saying, both verbally and nonverbally, and try to see things from their point of view. Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, is what builds trust and strengthens your emotional connection.
Acknowledge and validate your partner’s feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. Show that you understand and care about what they’re experiencing. Creating a safe space for them to express their vulnerabilities is essential for fostering intimacy and connection, and exploring ways to express love to your partner in words can further strengthen that bond.
BOUNDARIES AND RESPECT: MAINTAINING HEALTHY LIMITS
Setting boundaries is vital for any healthy relationship. Boundaries define where you end and the other person begins. They protect your well-being and ensure that everyone feels safe and respected.
It’s important to be assertive and say “no” when you need to. Don’t feel bad about prioritizing your own needs and limits. Putting boundaries in place—and walking away if those boundaries are repeatedly violated—is a healthy thing to do.
Respecting your partner’s boundaries is equally important. Acknowledge and honor their limits, even if you don’t completely understand them. Respect fosters trust and strengthens the relationship. When you know your partner respects your boundaries, you feel safe and valued.
Navigating conflict and change
Even the most solid relationships hit a bump in the road now and then. Here’s how to handle conflict and change with grace:
Healthy conflict resolution
Arguing, debating, and even having heated discussions can be healthy, as long as you both get your points across and feel heard. The key is to solve problems together, not to win an argument.
Instead of assigning blame, focus on finding solutions. Approach disagreements as a team. And if things get too heated, take a break. It’s better to cool off and come back to the conversation later than to say something you’ll regret.
Adapting to change
The person you fell in love with on day one won’t be the same person 25 years later, and that’s okay. Relationships change over time. Growing apart is a common reason for relationship breakdowns, but it doesn’t have to be your story.
Be willing to adapt and grow together. Talk about how your needs and expectations are evolving. Embrace new experiences and challenges as a couple. Change can bring you closer if you face it together.
COMMITMENT AND RESILIENCE
A good relationship doesn’t just happen—it takes effort. Both partners need to prioritize the relationship and set aside time to nurture it. Think of it like a garden that needs constant tending.
Resilience, the ability to bounce back from tough times, is key to weathering the inevitable storms that will come your way. Remind yourself that you are stronger than you think and that you can and will get through difficulties together.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best way to make a relationship work?
There isn’t a single “best” way, as every relationship is unique. However, some key ingredients consistently contribute to relationship success. These include open and honest communication, a willingness to compromise, mutual respect and trust, shared values and goals, and a commitment to working through challenges together. It’s also crucial to prioritize quality time, show appreciation for your partner, and maintain your individual identities outside of the relationship. Remember that relationships require ongoing effort and adaptation from both partners. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor if you’re struggling to navigate difficult issues or improve communication.
What is the 5:1 rule in relationships?
The 5:1 rule, often cited by relationship experts like John Gottman, suggests that successful relationships have a ratio of at least five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. Positive interactions can include acts of kindness, affection, humor, support, or simply expressing appreciation. Negative interactions might involve criticism, defensiveness, contempt, or stonewalling. Maintaining this balance helps to create a positive emotional climate within the relationship, making it more resilient to conflict and fostering a stronger bond. It’s not about avoiding disagreements altogether, but rather ensuring that positive feelings and experiences significantly outweigh negative ones.
Summary
Building a strong relationship takes self-awareness, good communication skills, and a desire to grow as a person. If you know your own needs and can communicate them to your partner, you’re off to a good start. Open conversations, listening, and empathy are key to understanding each other and working through conflict.
Relationships change over time, so you need to put in the effort and be willing to adapt, making it crucial to keep the conversation going. Embrace change and grow together with your partner. If you focus on the relationship and build resilience, you can create a connection that enriches both of your lives.
Making a relationship work is a journey of learning, growing, and connecting. Always treat each other with respect, especially if you have children. Focus on building a foundation of trust, honesty, and support.