Depression is a serious mental health condition that goes far beyond just feeling sad. It affects mood, thoughts, and behavior, and it can have a huge impact on relationships.
But what happens when the person you love is struggling with depression? It can be tough to know how to help, especially when societal expectations and stigma make it harder for men to seek help.
Depression can show up differently in men, too. They might be more likely to express irritability, anger, or recklessness instead of sadness, which can make it harder to recognize the underlying issue.
So, how do you love a man with depression and offer the support he needs? It starts with understanding the unique aspects of male depression. Then, you need to practice active listening and empathy, encourage him to seek professional help, and, most importantly, take care of yourself.
Recognizing depression in men: Understanding the unique presentation
Depression can look different in men than it does in women. It’s important to be aware of these differences so you can recognize the signs in your partner.
Different Symptoms in Men
Here are some signs of depression that are more commonly seen in men:
- Irritability and anger. Instead of sadness, depression in men can show up as increased irritability, frustration, or a tendency to get angry more easily than usual.
- Workaholism. Some men bury their feelings in their work. They may throw themselves into their job to avoid dealing with difficult emotions.
- Substance abuse. Turning to alcohol or drugs can be a sign that a man is struggling with underlying depression.
- Physical symptoms. Unexplained aches, pains, headaches, or digestive problems can sometimes be linked to depression.
Why Male Depression Often Goes Undiagnosed
There are a couple of key reasons why depression in men often goes unnoticed:
- Stigma and societal expectations. Men may feel pressured to be strong and independent, making it hard for them to admit they’re struggling. They may worry about being seen as weak.
- Downplaying symptoms. Men might minimize their feelings or believe that seeking help is a sign of weakness. They may think they should be able to handle things on their own.
How depression affects relationships: Inner pain and distorted perception
It can be tough to love someone who’s battling depression, especially if they exhibit dismissive avoidant attachment. The illness changes them, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in ways that are hard to ignore.
Anhedonia and emotional numbness
Depression can do a number on a person’s ability to feel joy. It’s called anhedonia, and it’s marked by a loss of interest in activities that used to bring pleasure. This can feel like a rejection to the person on the outside looking in, but it’s important to remember that it’s the depression talking, not your loved one.
Another symptom of depression is emotional numbness, which can make it tough for your partner to feel connected to you. This can be painful for both of you, but with understanding and patience, you can navigate this challenge.
Depression’s distortion of perception
Depression can also twist the way your partner sees the world, especially when it comes to your relationship. They might start to believe that relationship problems are the main reason for their unhappiness, rather than realizing it’s the depression clouding their judgment.
Depression can also make love and connection feel unreal, like you’re both living behind a pane of glass. It can be hard to feel close when emotions are dulled and distorted, but it’s important to remember that these feelings aren’t permanent. With treatment and support, your partner can rediscover the joy and connection that depression has stolen.
How to show support: Active listening, empathy, and encouragement
If you love someone who’s depressed, you can show support in many ways. Here are some options:
Listen actively and validate his feelings
When he’s ready to share, create a safe space for him to talk. Listen without judgment. Let him know you’re there to understand, not to fix him.
Acknowledge and validate his emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them. You might say something like, “That sounds really tough,” or “I can see how much that’s affecting you.”
Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Focus on listening and understanding, rather than trying to solve his problems. Sometimes, just knowing that someone cares and is willing to listen can make a world of difference.
Encourage professional help
Gently encourage him to seek professional help. Emphasize that depression is a treatable condition, not a personal flaw. Explain that therapy and/or medication can make a significant difference in his quality of life.
Acknowledge the stigma associated with mental health issues and reassure him that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Let him know that many people experience depression and that there’s no shame in seeking treatment.
Offer practical assistance in finding a therapist, scheduling appointments, or even attending the first session with him. Sometimes, just having someone there to provide support and encouragement can make the process less daunting.
Take suicide risk seriously
Never dismiss or minimize suicidal thoughts or feelings. If he expresses thoughts of suicide, take them seriously and seek immediate help.
Learn to recognize the warning signs of suicide, such as talking about death, withdrawing from social activities, giving away possessions, or expressing feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
If there is an immediate risk of suicide, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline. You can call or text 988 in the US and Canada to connect with trained crisis counselors. In the UK, you can call 111.
Setting boundaries and practicing self-care
Loving someone with depression can be a rewarding experience, but it’s also challenging. It’s easy to get so caught up in caring for your partner that you forget to care for yourself. To avoid burnout and maintain your own well-being, it’s vital to set healthy boundaries and practice self-care.
The importance of boundaries
Boundaries are like invisible lines that define what you are and are not willing to do. They protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. Here’s how to set them:
- Protecting your own well-being. Setting boundaries is essential for preventing burnout and maintaining your own mental health. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
- Communicating your limits. Clearly communicate your limits and expectations to the person you are supporting. Be direct and honest, but also compassionate.
- Saying “no” when necessary. It’s okay to say no to requests that are overwhelming or draining. You don’t have to be everything to everyone.
Self-care strategies
Self-care is about intentionally taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. Here are some self-care strategies to incorporate into your routine:
- Prioritizing physical health. Ensure you are getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and exercising regularly. These basic habits can have a huge impact on your mood and energy levels.
- Engaging in enjoyable activities. Make time for hobbies and activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This could be anything from reading a book to taking a bath to spending time in nature.
- Seeking support for yourself. Connect with friends, family, or a therapist to process your own emotions and challenges. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Rebuilding Connection and Finding Hope
Depression can feel like it’s built a wall between you and the man you love, and if you’re feeling down because you’re being ghosted, here are tips to fight depression. But you can find ways to reconnect and nurture your relationship, even when things are tough.
Open Communication
It’s important to be able to talk openly and honestly with each other. When you’re sharing your own feelings and needs, try to stay calm and respectful. You also need to be a good listener and try to understand his perspective.
Reconnecting with Activities You Enjoy
Depression can make it hard to find pleasure in things you used to love. Make an effort to rediscover shared interests. Think back to activities you both enjoyed before the depression set in, and try to do them together again.
You can also try new things together to create positive memories and strengthen your bond. Maybe take a cooking class, go hiking, or visit a museum.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Recovery from depression takes time and effort, and there will be ups and downs. Acknowledge that it’s a process, not a quick fix.
It’s also important to celebrate small victories. Recognize and acknowledge progress, no matter how small it seems. Every step forward is a reason to be proud.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to deal with a boyfriend with depression?
Dealing with a boyfriend who has depression requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to learn about his condition. Encourage him to seek professional help, actively listen to his feelings without judgment, and offer consistent support. It’s also crucial to set healthy boundaries for yourself and prioritize your own well-being.
How to make a depressed man happy?
You can’t “make” a depressed man happy, as depression is a complex medical condition. However, you can offer support by creating a calm and understanding environment, encouraging him to engage in activities he once enjoyed, and celebrating small victories. Remind him that you care and are there for him, but also understand that his happiness ultimately depends on his recovery journey.
Can you have a relationship with a depressed man?
Yes, you can absolutely have a fulfilling relationship with a depressed man. It requires open communication, empathy, and a commitment to navigating the challenges together, even after broken trust. The relationship can thrive with a strong foundation of love, trust, and mutual respect, combined with professional treatment for his depression.
What do men need when they’re depressed?
Men with depression often need a safe space to express their emotions without feeling judged or pressured. They need encouragement to seek professional help, understanding of their limitations, and reassurance of their value. Practical support, such as help with daily tasks or attending appointments together, can also be incredibly beneficial. Most importantly, they need to know they’re not alone and that their feelings are valid.
Key takeaways
It’s so important to understand that depression in men is real, and it can really change the way they see themselves, you, and your relationship. Supporting a man dealing with depression means recognizing that it might show up differently than it does in women, and that depression can warp their perception of reality.
The best ways to support your man through this are to really listen to him, encourage him to get professional help, set some boundaries for yourself, and practice self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup, as they say.
It’s also important to remember that recovery is possible, and that you can build an even stronger relationship through this experience. With understanding, empathy, and commitment, you can navigate the challenges of depression and reconnect in a meaningful way.