People often confuse infatuation and limerence, but they aren’t the same thing. So what is the difference between them?
This article will explore the differences between infatuation vs limerence, what each term means, and how to tell them apart.
Defining Infatuation
Infatuation is that strong feeling of attraction you get when you really, really like someone. It’s often based on superficial things and doesn’t usually last very long. Think of it as a crush on steroids.
The classic signs of infatuation are intense excitement, idealizing the other person, and focusing on how attractive they are. When you’re infatuated, you might not see their flaws, and you tend to build them up into something they’re not.
Infatuation is common when relationships are just starting out. It might lead to a deeper connection, or it might just fade away.
Exploring Limerence
Limerence takes infatuation to a whole new level. It’s like infatuation on steroids, characterized by intrusive thoughts and a desperate need for your feelings to be returned. Your brain becomes completely consumed by the “limerent object”—the person you’re fixated on.
The key ingredients of limerence are intrusive thoughts, a paralyzing fear of rejection, and an over-the-top sensitivity to the actions of the person you’re obsessed with. You’re constantly seeking validation and trying to interpret every little thing they do.
Unlike love, which prioritizes the well-being of the other person, limerence is all about being loved, rather than loving, which is a characteristic of someone who is emotionally unavailable.
Key Differences Summarized
The main difference between infatuation and limerence is intensity: Infatuation is usually lighter and less obsessive. Limerence is all-consuming, and the need for your feelings to be returned is a defining characteristic.
Both can be powerful emotions, but limerence is often more disruptive to daily life and could be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 3 stages of limerence?
Limerence typically progresses through three stages: infatuation, crystallization, and termination. Infatuation is marked by intense feelings and idealization. Crystallization occurs as doubts and uncertainties arise, but the limerent person still clings to hope. Termination is the final stage, which can either be successful (the feelings fade) or unsuccessful (leading to despair or obsession).
Do I love them, or is it limerence?
That’s a tricky question. Love is built on mutual respect, understanding, and a balanced relationship. If you are unsure, take this quiz to find out: Am I obsessed or in love with my crush? Limerence, on the other hand, is characterized by obsessive thoughts, a desperate need for reciprocation, and a tendency to idealize the other person, often overlooking their flaws. If your feelings feel all-consuming and unbalanced, it might be limerence.
How do you know if you’re in limerence?
Key signs of limerence include intrusive thoughts about the other person, an overwhelming desire for them to reciprocate your feelings, emotional dependency, anxiety when you’re not around them, a tendency to idealize them, and replaying interactions in your mind. You might also find yourself neglecting other aspects of your life.
Is limerence different from infatuation?
Yes, while both involve strong feelings, limerence is more intense and obsessive than infatuation. Infatuation is usually short-lived and doesn’t necessarily disrupt daily life. Limerence, however, can be all-consuming, leading to significant emotional distress and impacting a person’s ability to function normally. Limerence also generally involves more anxiety and fear of rejection than simple infatuation.
In Summary
Infatuation and limerence both involve strong feelings for another person. Limerence stands apart, however, because of its intensity, its obsessiveness, and the consuming need for those feelings to be returned.
Reflecting on your feelings can help you recognize which of these states you’re experiencing, giving you some clarity as you navigate relationships and emotions.