Cohabitation can be great. But when you live together long enough, life can become routine. You might even start to feel like something’s missing.
Moving in with someone is a big step, and it can be easy to let the romance fizzle. After all, you see each other all the time. It’s easy to fall into patterns and habits that may not exactly be conducive to a spicy love life.
But there’s good news. You can definitely spice up a relationship when you live together. It just takes a little effort and a conscious decision to prioritize the romance.
This guide will provide practical tips and strategies to reignite the passion and strengthen the bond in your shared living space. We’ll explore ways to inject spontaneity, improve communication, and foster intimacy in your daily routine.
Communication is key: Connecting beyond the routine
Once you’ve lived with someone for a while, it’s easy to fall into a comfortable silence. But silence can sometimes mean stagnation. Here’s how to keep your connection strong.
Daily check-ins and meaningful conversations
Even when you’re apart, send a quick text, voice note, or meme to show your partner you’re thinking of them. And when you’re together, make time for uninterrupted conversations about your day, feelings, and aspirations. It’s easy to fall into the habit of just talking about logistics, but you’ll want to make sure you’re also talking about your heart.
Actively listen and show genuine interest in what your partner has to say. Put away distractions and give them your full attention. You’ll be surprised how much you can learn about someone you see every day!
Expressing appreciation and affection
Leave “I love you” reminders in unexpected places, such as a sweet note hidden in their lunch bag, wallet, or on the bathroom mirror. And verbalize your appreciation for your partner’s efforts and qualities. Acknowledge and thank them for the things they do, both big and small. Sometimes, just hearing that they’re appreciated can make a big difference.
Sparking Spontaneity: Breaking the Monotony
When you share a living space with your partner, it’s easy to fall into a predictable routine. To keep the spark alive, you’ll have to take steps to break the monotony.
Surprise Gestures and Unexpected Dates
Surprise each other with romantic gestures to up the romance in your relationship. Bring home their favorite flowers, cook their favorite meal, or plan a surprise date night. Even a quick trip to a local coffee shop or park can break up the monotony.
One expert explains, “It’s essential to continue making an effort because it’s easy to get stuck in the rut of the daily routine.”
Injecting Fun and Playfulness into Everyday Life
Flirt during the day while you’re at work to build up anticipation for when you see each other later. Send a suggestive text or leave a playful note for them to find later. Or, engage in playful activities together, such as board games, video games, or outdoor sports. You can embrace your inner child and have fun together.
Quality time and shared experiences: Reinforcing your bond
Sometimes, the spice of life is simply rediscovering the joy of each other’s company. Here are some ways to make that happen:
Dedicated date nights and outings
It sounds so basic, but it’s true: schedule regular date nights to reconnect and enjoy being with each other. You don’t have to spend a fortune. Try a new restaurant or revisit an old favorite. Attend a concert or show, or explore some local attractions that you’ve never seen before. Date night can be a great way to break up the monotony of living together.
For a bigger change of pace, plan day trips or weekend getaways to escape your usual routine and create some memories that will last a lifetime. Pick a direction and drive! Exploring new destinations together can reignite the spark.
Creating shared hobbies and interests
Are there activities that you both enjoy and can do together? If not, it’s time to discover some! Take a cooking class, learn a new language, or join a book club. Dedicate time to these shared hobbies and interests regularly. This will give you something to look forward to together and create new opportunities for bonding.
Intimacy and physical connection: Nurturing the flame
As time goes by, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine that doesn’t always prioritize physical affection. Here are some ways to keep that flame burning:
Prioritizing physical affection
Make time for physical intimacy and affection. It doesn’t always have to be about sex, but you can find simple tips to attract your husband physically. Hold hands, cuddle on the couch, and give each other massages. These small gestures can make a big difference in keeping you connected.
And don’t underestimate the power of sleeping skin-to-skin. This kind of contact causes the steady release of oxytocin, which decreases our heart rate, reduces cortisol (the stress hormone) in our bloodstream, and increases our feelings of well-being and trust.
Exploring new ways to enhance intimacy
Get in the bedroom and experiment with new ways to enhance your sexual connection, using bedroom body language to drive them crazy. Talk openly about your desires and fantasies, and try new things together. You could also try intimacy-building games or exercises to spark new levels of connection and explore how sex increases love and builds intimacy.
Nurturing individuality: Keep up with your own life
It’s easy to become codependent when you spend lots of time with your partner. Here are some ways to keep your own identity strong even when you’re in a committed relationship.
Pursue your own hobbies and interests
One way to keep a relationship fresh is to keep up with your own life and interests. Spend time with your friends. Join a book club. Play on a softball team. Take a class. The more you engage in activities that are just for you, the less likely you are to get bored or resentful.
Encourage your partner to do the same. This will help you both keep your sense of self, and it will give you something to talk about when you’re together.
Support each other’s growth
As your partner tries new things, cheer them on. Attend their performances, celebrate their achievements, and offer a shoulder to cry on when things are tough. This will build mutual respect and admiration.
The power of gratitude and curiosity
When you’re trying to re-ignite the spark in a long-term relationship, gratitude and curiosity can go a long way.
Practicing gratitude together
To focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, create a shared gratitude journal or jar where you and your significant other can record the things you appreciate about one another and your bond.
Staying curious about your partner
Even if you think you know everything about your partner, it’s important to stay curious about them. As one relationship expert explained, “Even relationships that are close, solid, and intimate can benefit from curiosity, which can reintroduce the passion of a new relationship.”
You can stay curious by asking open-ended questions and actively listening to the responses. You might even try playing a game like “36 Questions That Lead to Love” to learn more about your partner and deepen your connection.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to keep a relationship exciting when living together?
Keeping things exciting requires conscious effort. Prioritize date nights, even if they’re at home. Try new activities together, like cooking a challenging recipe or exploring a local park. Maintain your individual hobbies and friendships; this prevents codependency and keeps things interesting. Surprise each other with small gestures of affection and appreciation. Most importantly, keep communicating openly about your needs and desires.
How to spice up a relationship when you live together after a long period of routine?
Break free from the everyday! Plan a weekend getaway or a staycation at a local hotel. Recreate a memorable early date. Introduce new elements to your sex life, such as exploring fantasies or trying different positions. Focus on physical touch beyond sex – holding hands, cuddling, and giving massages. Revisit shared goals and dreams to reignite your connection.
Is it normal to lose the spark when you move in together?
Yes, it’s perfectly normal for the initial “spark” to fade somewhat when you move in together. The novelty wears off, and you become more comfortable and familiar with each other. However, this doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed! It simply means you need to transition from relying on initial infatuation to building a deeper, more sustainable connection based on shared values, mutual respect, and ongoing effort to keep the romance alive.
In Closing
Spicing things up in a relationship where you live together takes effort, communication, and a willingness to change. You have to work to keep the relationship healthy. Otherwise, you might become too comfortable, too complacent, and too set in your routines.
By adding some of the strategies mentioned here to your daily life, you can reignite the passion you once shared, strengthen your relationship, and create a rewarding, long-term bond.
Remember that relationships change over time, so embrace the journey and look for new ways to connect and grow together.