What does it mean to have high standards in a relationship? The phrase gets thrown around a lot, but it’s often misunderstood. Some people might think having “high standards” means being demanding or unrealistic. But really, it’s about knowing your worth and what you deserve in a partnership.
Setting healthy standards is crucial for building fulfilling relationships. It’s about finding that sweet spot where you’re not settling for less than you deserve, but you’re also not expecting perfection.
This article will explore some concrete examples of high standards in a relationship, helping you understand what they look like in practice. We’ll also provide some guidance on how to set and maintain your own standards, so you can create a relationship that truly makes you happy.
Standards vs. Expectations: Laying the Groundwork
It’s important to understand the difference between relationship standards and relationship expectations. One is a firm foundation, while the other may be a house built on sand.
What are standards?
Think of standards as your personal set of rules for what is and isn’t OK in a relationship. They aren’t about any one person; instead, they’re a reflection of your deepest values and beliefs.
Here are some examples of standards you might hold in a relationship:
- Mutual respect
- Honesty
- Trustworthiness
What are expectations?
Expectations are those little assumptions you carry around about what should happen in a relationship. They’re subjective and often based on wishful thinking. Unlike standards, they can easily lead to disappointment when reality doesn’t match your assumptions.
Here are a couple of examples of expectations that might be unrealistic:
- Expecting to communicate constantly
- Expecting to always agree on everything
Why High Standards Matter: Protecting Your Well-being
Having high standards in a relationship isn’t about being picky or demanding; it’s about respecting yourself and establishing healthy boundaries, so you can easily spot the signs of disrespect & abuse. Setting high standards means you won’t tolerate unacceptable behavior, and that your needs and values will be respected.
On the other hand, if you have low standards, you’re more likely to compromise your own self-worth, which can lead to unfulfilling relationships. Settling for less than you deserve might seem easier in the short term, but in the long run, it can breed resentment and dissatisfaction.
Ultimately, high standards act as a beacon, attracting partners who value themselves and approach relationships with honesty and integrity. When you know what you deserve and aren’t afraid to ask for it, like a classy, high-value woman, you create space for a relationship that is built on mutual respect, love, and genuine connection.
Examples of High Standards in Relationships
High standards in a relationship aren’t about demanding perfection; they’re about setting a baseline for how you expect to be treated and how you, in turn, treat your partner. They’re a reflection of your self-worth and your commitment to building a healthy, fulfilling connection. So, what do these standards look like in practice?
Core Values and Respect
This is the bedrock of any solid relationship. Without these, the rest crumbles.
- Mutual Respect: This means treating each other with genuine consideration, practicing empathy, and striving for understanding, even when you disagree. It’s about actively listening to each other’s opinions and perspectives, valuing them even if they differ from your own. It looks like avoiding insults, name-calling, or belittling comments, even in the heat of an argument.
- Honesty and Integrity: Truthfulness and transparency should be non-negotiable. It means being upfront in your communication, even when it’s difficult. It also means maintaining ethical behavior in all aspects of the relationship – not just with your partner, but in your interactions with others as well.
- Trustworthiness: Being reliable and dependable is key. It’s about honoring your commitments and promises, big or small. It’s about being someone your partner can count on, knowing that you’ll be there for them, both in good times and bad.
Emotional Intelligence and Communication
A healthy relationship thrives on open, honest, and emotionally intelligent communication.
- Emotional Availability: This means being willing to share your feelings and emotions, both positive and negative. It’s about being present and supportive during difficult times, offering a safe space for your partner to express themselves without judgment.
- Effective Communication: This involves expressing your needs and concerns clearly and respectfully, without resorting to blame or criticism. It also means actively listening and responding to your partner’s communication, seeking to understand their perspective and validating their feelings.
- Empathy: This is the ability to understand and share your partner’s feelings, putting yourself in their shoes and seeing the world from their point of view. It’s about showing compassion and support, offering a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear when they’re struggling.
Personal Growth and Shared Values
A strong relationship fosters individual growth and is built on a foundation of shared values.
- Shared Interests and Goals: While you don’t need to have identical hobbies, having common passions or life aspirations can strengthen your bond. It’s about supporting each other’s personal growth and development, encouraging each other to pursue your dreams and reach your full potential.
- Independence and Individuality: Respecting each other’s need for personal space and autonomy is crucial. It’s about encouraging individual pursuits and interests, allowing each other to maintain your own identities outside of the relationship.
- Continuous Effort and Commitment: Relationships require ongoing effort to maintain and improve. This means actively working to nurture your connection, showing appreciation and affection regularly, and being willing to compromise and resolve conflicts constructively.
Proactive and Responsible Partnership
This goes beyond just the day-to-day; it’s about being a partner who actively contributes to the well-being of the relationship.
- Proactiveness: A partner who anticipates needs and takes initiative, without waiting to be asked. This could be anything from offering to help with chores to planning a surprise date night.
- Reliability and Follow-Through: Consistently honoring commitments and promises, being dependable in both word and deed. This builds trust and security within the relationship.
- Financial Responsibility: A responsible approach to finances and shared resources, especially when finances are intertwined. This involves open communication about money, budgeting, and making responsible financial decisions together.
Setting high standards in your relationship isn’t about being demanding or unrealistic. It’s about knowing your worth, communicating your needs, and creating a partnership built on respect, trust, and mutual growth. It’s about creating a relationship that enriches your life and allows you both to thrive.
Deal Breakers: Knowing Your Non-Negotiables
Okay, let’s talk about deal breakers. These are the non-negotiable traits or behaviors that are simply unacceptable in a relationship. We’re talking about things like:
- Dishonesty
- Disrespect
- Abuse (verbal, emotional, or physical)
- Lack of commitment
It’s incredibly important to know what your deal breakers are. Why? Because they protect your well-being and your self-respect. Identifying them helps you avoid getting stuck in toxic or unhealthy relationships that drain your energy and damage your spirit.
Your deal breakers should be personal to you. Think about your past experiences. What did you absolutely hate? What did you swear you’d never tolerate again? These reflections will help you define your own personal list. Your deal breakers should also align with your core values – the things that are most important to you in life. Don’t compromise on those!
Maintaining High Standards While Managing Expectations
Having high standards in a relationship is great. But how do you keep your standards high without getting frustrated when your partner falls short? Here are some tips.
The “Standards-High, Expectations-Low” Strategy: This means you should be firm about your standards, but don’t expect your partner to meet them all the time. This mindset can help you avoid disappointment and resentment.
Open Communication: Talk to your partner about your standards. Make sure they understand what’s important to you and why. Also, be sure to listen to your partner’s needs and concerns. Open and honest communication is key to any successful relationship.
Flexibility and Adaptability: Relationships change over time. Be willing to adjust your expectations as your relationship evolves. No one is perfect, and you’ll need to be open to compromise on minor issues. Remember, the goal is to build a strong and lasting relationship, not to win every argument.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to have high standards in dating
Having high standards in dating means knowing your worth and what you deserve in a partner. It involves defining your non-negotiables – the qualities and behaviors you absolutely require. Don’t settle for less than respect, honesty, and genuine effort. It’s about prioritizing your well-being and choosing someone who enhances your life, not complicates it.
What is the 3 6 9 rule in a relationship?
The “3 6 9 rule” is a pop culture dating trend, not a universally recognized relationship principle. It suggests specific milestones (like saying “I love you” at 3 months, traveling together at 6 months, and meeting the family at 9 months). While some find it helpful as a loose guideline, healthy relationships develop at their own pace, not according to rigid timelines.
What is an example of high standards?
An example of high standards in a relationship is expecting consistent communication and emotional support. It’s not demanding constant attention, but it’s reasonably expecting your partner to be present, engaged, and willing to listen when you need them. It also includes expecting them to respect your boundaries and treat you with kindness and consideration.
What is the difference between high expectations and high standards?
High standards are about what you fundamentally require in a relationship: respect, honesty, kindness, and effort. High expectations, on the other hand, can be about specific outcomes or behaviors you want from your partner. Standards are non-negotiable; expectations are preferences. Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment, but unmet standards signal a fundamental incompatibility.
Wrapping Up
Setting high standards in a relationship is important. It’s not about demanding perfection from yourself or your partner. It’s about respecting yourself and prioritizing your own well-being.
I hope this has inspired you to think about your own values and needs when setting standards for your relationships. You absolutely deserve to be in a relationship that fulfills you and treats you with respect. Don’t settle for less.
Keep in mind that setting and adjusting standards is an ongoing process. Relationships change over time, and you change, too. What you need and deserve in a relationship today might not be exactly the same as what you needed or deserved a year ago, or what you’ll need or deserve a year from now. So, keep checking in with yourself and your partner. Keep communicating. Keep striving for a relationship that truly nourishes you.