Human emotions are complicated. Attraction and love are complicated. Trying to figure out what you’re feeling — and whether it’s love, lust, or infatuation — can be downright confusing. If you’re unsure, you might even consider taking an Am I Catching Feelings Quiz. Is it real, or is it just a crush? Am I in love, or am I just in lust?
Many people struggle to tell the difference between love, lust, and infatuation, and this can lead to problems in relationships. If you think you’re in love, but you’re really just infatuated, you may have unrealistic expectations of the other person.
It’s important to understand the differences between love, lust, and infatuation so you can make informed decisions about your relationships. Knowing the difference can help you avoid disappointment and build healthier relationships.
This article explores love vs lust vs infatuation , including the defining characteristics of each and how they can affect your relationships.
What’s the difference between love, lust, and infatuation?
The human heart is a complicated place, and sometimes we have a hard time understanding what we’re feeling. Here’s a breakdown of love, lust, and infatuation to help you sort things out.
What’s lust?
Lust is all about physical attraction and immediate gratification. It’s driven by sexual desire and physical pleasure, and hormones like estrogen and testosterone play a big role. Lust is often selfish and focused on personal fulfillment. It may lack emotional depth and commitment.
In short, lust is an urge based on how someone looks or how they make you feel in the moment. It’s a feeling that usually fades fast.
What’s infatuation?
Infatuation is that feeling of being completely swept away. It’s an intense attraction based on idealized perceptions. If you think you may be too focused on your partner, consider taking an Am I Too Obsessed With My Boyfriend Quiz to evaluate your feelings. When you’re infatuated with someone, you may feel heightened excitement and spend lots of time daydreaming and building fantasies about the other person. You also tend to overlook their flaws.
Infatuation is often short-lived and can fade quickly as you get to know the other person better and realize they’re not quite the perfect being you imagined.
What’s love?
Love is a many-layered feeling that includes physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual connection. It involves mutual respect, trust, and a desire for a long-term relationship. Love is often described as a selfless act, not conditional on the other person’s behavior.
Love involves sacrifice and placing the needs of the other person ahead of your own. It’s about wanting the best for them, even if it means putting your own desires aside. Love is a commitment to stand by someone through thick and thin.
Key differences between love, lust, and infatuation
Though all three can feel pretty powerful, there are some key differences between love, lust, and infatuation.
Time and Intensity
Lust kicks in right away, and you feel it intensely. But it usually doesn’t last very long. Infatuation can also be intense, and it may last longer than lust. But it’s still temporary.
Love, on the other hand, grows over time. It gets stronger as you share experiences and commit to one another.
Focus and Motivation
When you’re feeling lust, you’re primarily focused on physical attraction and sexual fulfillment. Infatuation is about the qualities you admire in someone and the fantasies you’ve spun around them.
Love is a much more well-rounded connection. It includes emotional, mental, and even spiritual aspects.
Expectations and Reality
Lust doesn’t involve realistic expectations or much thought for the future. Infatuation, on the other hand, is built on unrealistic expectations and idealizations, which often leads to disappointment down the road.
Love is about accepting your partner for who they really are, flaws and all.
Selflessness vs. Selfishness
Lust is all about selfish desires and personal satisfaction. Infatuation can also be self-centered, focusing on your own fantasies and desires.
Love is selfless. It involves sacrifice and putting the other person’s well-being first.
Of course, it’s perfectly normal to experience lust and infatuation at different times in your life. The important thing is to understand the differences between these feelings and true love so you can make informed decisions about your relationships.
THE CHEMISTRY OF ATTRACTION: HORMONES AND EMOTIONS
Lust and infatuation are driven by powerful hormones. Estrogen and testosterone stoke the fires of sexual desire, while dopamine and oxytocin flood the brain with feelings of pleasure and attachment.
These chemical messengers exert a powerful influence on our behavior. They can trigger intense cravings, cause us to idealize the object of our affection, and even lead to impulsive decisions driven by the desire for immediate gratification. Think of it like being temporarily high on love. You’re not always thinking clearly.
Infatuation, with its intense highs and lows, is a whirlwind of these chemicals. True love, however, is different. It involves a more nuanced and complex interplay of neurotransmitters and hormones. These chemicals are associated with bonding, trust, and the kind of long-term commitment that builds a lasting relationship. It’s less about the initial spark and more about the slow burn of connection and shared experience.
FROM INFATUATION TO LOVE: THE TRANSITION
Sometimes, infatuation can blossom into something more substantial. As the initial rush of excitement fades, a deeper connection might take root, built on shared values, respect, and genuine affection.
But what helps infatuation turn into love? Open communication is key. Being vulnerable and sharing experiences together are also vital for building a lasting bond. You have to really know each other.
However, this transition isn’t always smooth sailing. As the rose-colored glasses of infatuation come off, disillusionment can creep in. The person you thought they were might not be the person they actually are. That’s why honest self-reflection is so important. You need to have realistic expectations, both of yourself and of your partner, to successfully navigate this shift. Can you accept them for who they really are, flaws and all? If the answer is yes, then infatuation might just have a chance to grow into something real.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to tell between lust and love?
Distinguishing between lust and love often comes down to the depth of your connection. Lust is primarily driven by physical attraction and desire, while love involves emotional intimacy, shared values, and a genuine interest in the other person’s well-being. Ask yourself: Do you admire their character, or are you just caught up in the physical chemistry?
Do I love him or am I infatuated?
Infatuation can feel a lot like love at first, but it’s often based on an idealized version of someone. If you’re infatuated, you might focus on their positive qualities while overlooking flaws. Love, on the other hand, involves accepting someone for who they truly are, imperfections and all. Infatuation tends to fade quickly, while love grows stronger over time.
Am I falling in love or is it lust?
Consider the longevity and depth of your feelings. Lust tends to be immediate and intense, while love develops more gradually. If your feelings are primarily physical and you haven’t invested time in getting to know the person on a deeper level, it’s likely lust. If you’re building a strong emotional connection and sharing experiences, you may be falling in love.
Do I love him or do I lust after him?
It’s possible to experience both lust and love for the same person, but it’s important to understand which one is the driving force. This can especially be true in situations like friends with benefits relationships. If you primarily think about physical intimacy and find yourself uninterested in their thoughts, feelings, or dreams, it’s likely lust. Love encompasses a broader range of emotions and desires, including a desire for connection, companionship, and mutual support.
Closing Thoughts
It’s important to remember the differences between love, lust, and infatuation. Being able to tell them apart can help you build healthier relationships and enjoy more fulfilling emotional experiences in the long run.
Cultivate self-awareness and critical thinking whenever you’re evaluating your own feelings and relationships. It’s easy to mistake infatuation for love, especially in the beginning. Take the time to regularly examine your feelings and be honest with yourself about what’s really going on.
Ultimately, the most rewarding relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, and genuine connection. These qualities are more important than fleeting desires or idealized fantasies. True love is something to build over time, not something that springs up overnight based on a pretty face or a thrilling encounter.