Dating after a long relationship, divorce, or just a string of bad dates can be scary and may trigger dating anxiety symptoms. You may feel insecure, awkward, or even afraid of getting close to someone again.
If you’re feeling this way, remember that dating should be fun and exciting. It’s a journey, not a race. Be kind to yourself, and keep your expectations realistic.
If you’re wondering how to get back to dating, you’re in the right place. This guide is full of tips and tricks to help you approach dating with confidence, authenticity, and a sense of excitement. We’ll cover:
- Knowing when you’re ready
- Healing from the past
- Knowing what you want
- Boosting your confidence
- Managing expectations
Assessing Your Readiness: Are You Ready to Date?
Before you jump back into the dating pool, it’s essential to check in with yourself. Are you really ready? Here’s how to tell:
Emotional Healing and Closure
Let’s be honest: dragging old baggage into a new relationship is never a good idea. Healing from past heartbreak and trauma is crucial for healthy dating. You want to shift from victim to victor. You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you view it and how you want to choose to move on with the rest of your life, even if that means implementing the no contact rule.
Signs of readiness include not dwelling on the previous relationship and being excited about meeting new people. As dating expert Dr. Le Goy says, “Some signs include not feeling the need to constantly discuss and dissect your previous relationship. This shows you’re not harboring any lasting resentment or regrets that can linger into a new relationship.”
Self-Reflection and Understanding
Take some time to consider the good and challenging parts of your previous relationship in order to decide what’s best for you going forward. Be honest with yourself about your motivations for dating. Are you seeking validation, companionship, or a genuine connection?
Healing from the Past: Letting Go and Moving Forward
Before you dip your toe back into the dating pool, take some time to acknowledge and process any lingering emotions related to past relationships or negative experiences. Bottling up those feelings will only make things harder.
Try journaling, talking with trusted friends, or even seeking therapy to work through those emotions. It’s crucial to practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes, and dwelling on resentment will only hold you back.
Think about any unhealthy patterns or behaviors that might have contributed to problems in your past relationships. Learning from these experiences and committing to positive changes is key. You’re not doomed to repeat the past, but you do need to be aware of it.
What are you looking for in a relationship?
Before you dive back into the dating pool, spend some time thinking about what you really want from a relationship.
Identify what you can’t live without
What are your “non-negotiables?” What are the qualities and values that you absolutely must have in a partner? Perhaps you want someone who values kindness, empathy, respect, and trust. Maybe you’re looking for someone who shares your love of the outdoors or your passion for the arts.
What did you learn from past relationships? What did you like? What didn’t you like? What are you no longer willing to tolerate?
Create a vision for your ideal relationship
What does your ideal relationship look like? How does it feel? What do you and your partner do together? What are your shared goals and dreams?
It’s good to have a clear vision, but also be open to different possibilities. Don’t get too fixated on a specific type of person. Sometimes the best relationships are the ones that surprise us.
Boosting Your Self-Confidence: Loving Yourself First
Before you even think about dating, you need to feel good about yourself and cultivate self-love and acceptance. You’re going to attract the right person when you’re coming from a place of strength and self-assuredness. The right person will love you for all that you are, but you need to love yourself first to even meet them.
Here are some ways to build self-confidence:
- Focus on your strengths and accomplishments. Make a list if you have to!
- Practice self-care activities. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Indulge in hobbies, exercise, spend time with loved ones, and prioritize your overall well-being.
- Reframe negative self-talk. Challenge those negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and happiness.
- Present your best self. Take pride in your appearance and dress in a way that makes you feel confident and attractive. Get a manicure, buy some new clothes, whatever it takes! Maintain good hygiene and grooming habits.
When you feel good about yourself, it shines through and makes you even more attractive to others.
Navigating the dating scene: Practical strategies for success
So, you’re ready to jump back into the dating pool. Great! Here’s some advice on how to navigate it successfully:
Choosing the right dating platforms
Do your homework! Not all dating apps or websites are created equal. Find the ones that match your interests and what you’re hoping to find in a relationship. Also, don’t underestimate the power of meeting people through social events or groups related to your hobbies.
Creating an engaging profile
First impressions matter. Use recent photos that show off your personality and make you feel good. Write a bio that’s honest about your interests, values, and what you’re looking for in a partner. Be authentic!
Initiating conversations and making connections
Struggling to start a conversation? Keep a few conversation starters handy on your phone. Ask open-ended questions to get people talking, and always be genuine in your interactions.
Planning low-pressure dates
First dates shouldn’t feel like a job interview. Choose activities you’d enjoy doing even if you were alone. This takes the pressure off and allows you to focus on getting to know the other person. Plus, you’ll be more relaxed!
First date etiquette
Be on time and show respect for your date’s time. Put your phone away and focus on the conversation. Be a good listener and show genuine interest. When the bill comes, offer to split it or take turns paying. These small gestures show you’re considerate and respectful.
Managing Expectations and Staying Positive: Embracing the Journey
Try to think of dating as a chance to meet new people and learn more about yourself, not just as a way to replace a lost relationship, or as a guaranteed path to getting back together.
Realistically, not every date is going to be amazing, and that’s okay. If you go into the process knowing that, it can help you manage your expectations and learn from both good and bad experiences. Don’t let one bad date ruin the whole dating experience for you!
Try not to get too attached to the outcome. Instead, focus on what you can gain from each date, even if that person isn’t “the one.”
Authenticity and Honesty: Being True to Yourself
When you’re dating, it’s important to be honest about your experiences and how you feel. Don’t try to be someone you’re not just to impress someone else.
It’s okay to admit you’re nervous! It’s perfectly fine to say to a date, “I’m new to this scene, and I’m not totally comfortable yet.” There’s absolutely no shame in being honest.
Being genuine is the best way to form real connections that will last. You got this!
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the 37% rule in dating?
The 37% rule, rooted in optimal stopping theory, suggests you should date roughly 37% of your potential partners before committing. The idea is that this gives you enough data to make an informed decision, maximizing your chances of finding the best possible match. It’s a guideline, not a rigid law, and doesn’t account for individual preferences or changing circumstances.
What is the 333 dating rule?
The 333 dating rule is a guideline about when to progress through the stages of a relationship. It suggests waiting three dates to kiss, three weeks to become exclusive, and three months to say “I love you.” Like any dating rule, it’s not a one-size-fits-all approach, but a framework to encourage thoughtful progression.
How do I get back into dating?
Getting back into dating starts with self-reflection. Take time to understand what you’re looking for in a partner and what you can offer. Then, explore different avenues: online dating apps, social events, or reconnecting with old friends. Be open-minded, patient, and remember to prioritize your own well-being.
Why is it so hard to get back into dating?
Returning to the dating scene can be challenging for many reasons. You might feel rusty, insecure, or overwhelmed by the changing landscape of dating apps and social norms. It’s also common to have different priorities or expectations than you did before. Be kind to yourself, set realistic expectations, and focus on enjoying the process of meeting new people.
In Conclusion
Getting back into the dating scene takes patience, kindness toward yourself, and a desire to learn and grow.
By working to heal from past hurts, figuring out what you want, building your confidence, and dating with a good attitude, you can raise your odds of finding a lasting and fulfilling relationship.