Casual relationships are super common. The whole idea is to connect with someone without the pressure of a serious commitment, but before you do, consider the reasons to reconsider sleeping with him tonight.
But what happens when your feelings start to change? It’s totally natural for your desires to evolve, and you might find that the casual setup just isn’t cutting it anymore.
Maybe you’re thinking, “I’m ending a casual relationship because I want more.” Now what? How do you even begin that conversation?
This article will walk you through how to communicate your needs, end the relationship with kindness and respect, and move forward so you can find a relationship that truly makes you happy.
Understanding and communicating your needs
You’re in a casual relationship, but you’re starting to want something more. What do you do? A few steps can help you decide how to proceed.
Identify your evolving needs
Start by thinking about what’s missing in your current relationship. Are you craving emotional intimacy? Commitment? A shared vision for the future? It’s important to acknowledge that your needs are valid and that you deserve to have them met. If you’re not getting what you need, it’s time to think about making a change.
Communicate your desires to your partner
Once you’ve identified your needs, it’s time to talk to your partner. Open and honest communication is essential, even if it’s difficult. You might say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but I’ve realized I’m looking for something more serious and committed.” If that feels too difficult, you could ask for clarity in a relationship via text.
Be clear and direct about what you want. It’s also important to be prepared for different reactions from your partner. They may not be on the same page, and you need to be ready to accept that. If your partner isn’t willing to give you what you need, it’s time to move on.
Ending the relationship with kindness and respect
Ending any relationship, even a casual one, requires sensitivity. Here’s how to navigate the conversation with grace.
Choosing the right time and place
Don’t ambush your partner. Pick a time when you can both talk freely, without distractions, and in a place where you both feel comfortable. Avoid blurting it out right before a big exam, a work presentation, or during a personal crisis they’re dealing with. Timing matters.
Having the conversation
Start by acknowledging what you appreciate about the relationship. This isn’t about laying blame, but about expressing that your needs have shifted. “I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but I’ve realized I’m looking for something different right now.”
Be honest, but kind. Use “I” statements to express your feelings. “I feel…” instead of “You make me feel…” Acknowledge the positive aspects of the relationship to avoid sounding dismissive. “I’ve valued the fun we’ve had, but…”
What NOT to do
- Don’t ghost them. Ghosting is cowardly. An in-person conversation is ideal, but a video or phone call is better than disappearing.
- Avoid suggesting friendship immediately. While you might genuinely want to be friends down the line, offering friendship right after the breakup can muddy the waters and leave your partner confused. Give them (and yourself) space.
- Don’t drag it out. Be clear and concise. Rambling or going in circles will only make the process more painful. State your reasons, express your appreciation (and regret, if appropriate), and end the conversation.
Creating distance and moving on
Ending a casual relationship is hard, especially if your feelings have grown stronger than your partner’s. Once you’ve had the conversation and made the break, you’ll need to create some distance for yourself so that you can heal and move on.
Establishing boundaries
Creating distance is essential for your emotional healing. That means you’ll need to immediately stop all communication with your now-former partner. I know that’s easier said than done, but it’s the only way to move forward.
Using technology to facilitate distance
Use the tools you have at your disposal. Block their phone number and unfollow or block them on all social media accounts. It sounds harsh, but you need to resist the urge to check their social media or reach out. Every little reminder is an emotional trigger that will set you back.
Focusing on self-care
Now is the time to prioritize yourself. What brings you joy and fulfillment? Do more of that. Filling your life with other activities and hobbies will distract you and support your well-being. Get back to those hobbies you’ve been neglecting, spend time with friends, and work toward your personal goals. You deserve all the good things life has to offer!
Seeking support and reinforcing your worth
Ending any relationship, even a casual one, can be hard. It’s okay to feel sad or confused. Here’s how to get through it:
Lean on your support system
Talk to your friends and family. Sharing your feelings can help you process them and feel less alone.
Seeking support from friends and/or therapy can be highly beneficial in navigating a difficult breakup. If you don’t have close friends or family, consider joining a support group where you can connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
Consider professional help
A therapist can help you process your emotions and gain insight into your relationship patterns. They can also provide guidance and support as you navigate this transition.
Therapy can be a safe space to explore your feelings, understand your needs, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Affirm your deservingness
Remind yourself that you deserve a relationship that fulfills your needs. It’s important to understand that you are worthy of love and happiness.
Focus on your worth and value as an individual. Practice self-compassion and remember your strengths. You are enough, and you deserve a relationship that reflects that.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you end a casual relationship?
Ending a casual relationship requires honesty and directness. Choose a quiet moment to talk, and clearly state your feelings. For example, you might say, “I’ve enjoyed our time together, but I’m looking for something more serious, and this isn’t the right fit for me anymore.” Be prepared for their reaction and respectful of their feelings, even if they’re disappointed. It’s also important to avoid ambiguity – make it clear that you’re ending the relationship, not just taking a break.
Can you turn a casual relationship into more?
It’s possible, but not guaranteed. Open communication is key. Express your desire for something more and gauge their interest. If they’re receptive, you can explore the possibility of deepening the relationship. However, if they’re firm about wanting to keep things casual, it’s important to respect their boundaries and consider if you’re willing to continue the relationship in its current form.
How do you tell her you want more than a casual relationship?
Be open and honest about your feelings. Choose a comfortable time to talk, and explain that your feelings have evolved. For example, “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you, and I’ve realized I’m starting to develop stronger feelings. I’m looking for something more serious; how do you feel about that?” Be prepared for any answer, and respect her decision, even if it’s not what you hoped for.
When to give up on a casual relationship?
Give up on a casual relationship when it’s no longer serving your emotional needs. If you consistently feel unfulfilled, anxious, or resentful because you want more, it’s time to move on. Also, if you’ve expressed your desire for something more and the other person is unwilling or unable to meet your needs, it’s a sign that the relationship isn’t going to evolve, and it’s best to prioritize your own well-being.
To Conclude
It’s important to honor your needs as they evolve within a relationship. Your desires are valid and deserve to be met.
If you’ve decided to end a casual relationship because you want more, the key steps are to communicate your needs, end the relationship with kindness, create some distance, and focus on taking care of yourself.
Remember, every ending is a new beginning. Embrace the opportunity to find a relationship that truly aligns with what you want and need, perhaps by understanding the different types of dating.