If you have an avoidant attachment style, you might feel uncomfortable with intimacy and prefer to be independent. But attachment styles aren’t set in stone, and understanding yours can help you build healthier relationships.
If you’re looking for guidance, keep reading. Here, you’ll find some resources and support that can help you heal an avoidant attachment style and foster more fulfilling connections.
Recommended books for understanding avoidant attachment
If you’re looking for some good books to help you understand avoidant attachment, I have a few ideas for you. But first, a caveat:
A word of caution about “Attached”
You may have heard about a book called “Attached,” by Levine and Heller. I’ve read it. While some people find it helpful, some sources suggest that “Attached” may be biased against people with avoidant attachment styles. It’s possible the author is subtly biased against those of us who struggle with avoidant attachment.
Alternative book recommendations
Instead, I’d suggest you check out “Secure Relating,” “Secure Love,” and “The Power of Attachment.” These books may give you a more balanced perspective on attachment styles. I also think it’s a good idea to read books that focus on self-compassion and understanding your own needs.
Want to learn more? Check out these podcasts and websites
It can be lonely trying to figure out the best way to manage an avoidant attachment style. Luckily, there are a number of resources available to you right at your fingertips.
Podcasts focused on attachment styles
Podcasts can be a great way to learn more about avoidant attachment in detail. Look for ones that feature experts who can offer practical advice and insights.
Websites offering information and resources
Many websites are dedicated to providing information and tools for people with avoidant attachment. You may be able to find articles, quizzes, and other resources that will help you understand your attachment style. Make sure you’re getting your information from reliable and trustworthy sources.
The value of online communities and support groups
Books can be a great starting point for understanding avoidant attachment styles, but the healing process is often more effective when you can connect with other people who understand what you’re going through.
Finding online communities
One of the best things about the internet is how it can connect you with like-minded people. If you’re dealing with an avoidant attachment style, online communities can be a safe space to share your experiences and feel a sense of belonging.
Benefits of support groups
Support groups take the connection a step further, offering a chance to share your experiences, learn from others, and receive validation. The key is to find a group that feels safe and supportive, where you can be yourself without judgment.
Frequently Asked Questions
How I healed my avoidant attachment style
My journey involved a lot of self-reflection, therapy, and intentional effort to challenge my avoidant tendencies. I started by acknowledging my patterns of distancing myself in relationships and understanding the root causes of my fear of intimacy. Therapy, particularly attachment-based therapy, helped me process past experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms. I also practiced vulnerability by gradually opening up to trusted people, which helped me build secure connections. Remember, healing isn’t linear, and it takes patience and commitment.
Is there a way to fix avoidant attachment?
While “fixing” might not be the right word, it’s definitely possible to heal and develop a more secure attachment style if you have an avoidant attachment. It’s more about understanding your patterns, learning new ways of relating to others, and challenging your beliefs about relationships. Therapy, self-help resources, and conscious effort to be more present and vulnerable in your relationships can all contribute to positive change. It requires a willingness to step outside your comfort zone and challenge your ingrained defenses.
What is the hardest attachment style to fix?
There’s no single “hardest” attachment style to heal because everyone’s journey is unique. However, disorganized attachment is often considered more complex due to the conflicting and often traumatic experiences that contribute to it. Individuals with disorganized attachment may struggle with both seeking and fearing intimacy, leading to unpredictable and challenging relationship patterns. Healing often requires extensive therapy to address underlying trauma and develop a sense of safety and security.
The Bottom Line
Understanding yourself is the first step to healing an avoidant attachment style. I hope this article has given you some ideas for books, resources, and ways to find support.
Remember, healing is a journey, not a destination. Be kind and patient with yourself as you move forward.