Love and infatuation—we use the terms interchangeably, especially at the start of a relationship. But understanding the difference is crucial for building lasting relationships.
Knowing whether you’re experiencing love or infatuation can help you have more realistic expectations and make better choices about who you date.
This article explores the differences between infatuation and love, and it includes a love vs infatuation quiz that will help you figure out exactly what you’re feeling.
What’s the difference between infatuation and love?
Sure, we all think we know the difference between love and infatuation. But, in the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to see things clearly. Here’s a breakdown of the key differences:
Intensity and Duration
Infatuation is like a firework – bright, dazzling, and over quickly. It’s that rush of intense feelings, often a cocktail of euphoria and lust, that hits you hard and fast. Love, on the other hand, is a slow-burning ember. It develops gradually, deepening over time. It’s not just about initial sparks; it’s about building a lasting connection.
Focus and Perception
When you’re infatuated, you tend to put the object of your affection on a pedestal. You see only their good qualities, overlooking any flaws or imperfections. Love is different. It’s about seeing the person realistically, warts and all. It’s accepting and appreciating them for who they are, not who you want them to be.
Foundation and Connection
Infatuation often stems from superficial attraction – a focus on physical appearance or exciting qualities, but aesthetic attraction goes beyond looks. Love runs much deeper. It’s built on intimacy, trust, and respect and fulfilling emotional needs. It involves emotional vulnerability and a strong sense of connection, sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings.
What are the signs of infatuation versus love?
Recognizing the differences between infatuation and love can be tricky! Here are some key indicators to help you tell them apart:
Signs of Infatuation
- Obsessive thoughts about the other person. If you’re constantly thinking about them and feel anxious when you’re apart, it might be infatuation.
- Intense jealousy and possessiveness. Feeling threatened by anyone else who shows interest in your partner is another red flag.
- Rapid development of feelings. Falling “in love” super quickly, often without really knowing the person, is a hallmark of infatuation.
- Basing your happiness solely on the other person’s approval. If their opinion is the only thing that matters, it’s likely infatuation.
Signs of Love
- Feeling comfortable and secure in the relationship. A sense of ease and relaxation around your partner is a good sign.
- Mutual respect and support. Valuing each other’s opinions and supporting each other’s goals is essential.
- Ability to communicate openly and honestly. Feeling safe to share your thoughts and feelings without judgment is crucial for a healthy relationship.
- A realistic view of the other person, both positive and negative. Seeing them as a whole person, flaws and all, is a sign of genuine love.
- Strong friendship component. Enjoying spending time together and sharing common interests builds a solid foundation.
Can Infatuation Turn Into Love?
Infatuation can absolutely be a precursor to love. That initial spark, that intense attraction, can sometimes blossom into something deeper and more meaningful. However, infatuation alone isn’t enough.
Turning infatuation into love requires building a deeper connection. This means moving beyond the physical attraction and focusing on shared values, trust, and true intimacy. It’s about connecting on an emotional level and building a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.
It’s also important to have realistic expectations and accept the other person’s imperfections. Infatuation often involves an idealized view of the other person, but love requires letting go of that fantasy and embracing the real person, flaws and all.
So, if you’re feeling infatuated with someone, don’t dismiss it. Instead, focus on building intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. With effort and commitment, that initial spark could ignite a deeper and more fulfilling form of love.
The Role of Friendship in Love
When you’re truly in love with someone, you’re also friends with that person. A strong friendship, it turns out, is linked to deeper love, increased sexual satisfaction, and a greater commitment to the relationship.
Shared interests, a similar sense of humor, and a feeling of mutual support all build a stronger bond between people. Friendship gives you a solid base for navigating the choppy waters that relationships inevitably encounter. Being friends first can help you weather the storms and build lasting resilience.
Valuing the friendship you have with your partner is a strong indication of love, sexual satisfaction, and commitment. Are you really friends? That’s something to think about, and if you are unsure, perhaps it’s time to take a does he still love me quiz.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long is infatuation before love?
There’s no set timeline for when infatuation might transition into love. Infatuation is often characterized by intense excitement, idealization, and a strong physical attraction, which can feel incredibly powerful. However, it’s often based on incomplete knowledge of the other person. Love, on the other hand, tends to develop over time as you get to know someone on a deeper level, appreciate their flaws as well as their strengths, and build a strong emotional connection. Infatuation can last anywhere from a few weeks to several months. Whether it blossoms into love depends on your willingness to get to know the other person beyond the initial spark.
Can you fall in love without infatuation?
Absolutely! While infatuation is a common starting point for romantic relationships, it’s definitely possible to fall in love without experiencing that initial intense “spark.” Sometimes, love grows gradually out of a deep friendship or mutual respect. These relationships might start with a comfortable familiarity and develop into a strong, lasting bond over time. The absence of infatuation doesn’t mean the connection is less meaningful; it simply means the foundation of the relationship is built on different elements, such as shared values, intellectual compatibility, and emotional support, which can be just as strong, if not stronger, than a relationship fueled by initial infatuation.
Closing Thoughts
Infatuation is that head-over-heels, butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling that can take over your brain, but it tends to burn out quickly. Love is a slow burn that’s based on a deeper connection and grows over time.
Think about your own feelings and relationships. Can you use what you’ve learned to assess your own experiences? It’s important to remember that both infatuation and love are valid emotions. The key is understanding the difference so you can make more informed decisions and have realistic expectations in your relationships.
If you’re struggling to understand or manage your feelings, consider seeking help from a therapist. They can provide support and guidance as you navigate complex emotions and relationship dynamics.