A toxic relationship is one where the behavior patterns are emotionally, psychologically, or even physically damaging to one or both people involved. These relationships can affect all aspects of your life.
The sooner you recognize the signs of a toxic relationship, the better. Getting out early can help protect your mental and physical well-being.
Here are 10 signs of a toxic relationship to look out for.
INTENSITY
Intensity can be a sign of a toxic relationship. When someone comes on strong in a relationship, it can be flattering at first. But intense feelings or actions early in a relationship can be a red flag.
Examples of unhealthy intensity include constant texting or calling, pushing to make the relationship exclusive very quickly, or excessive displays of affection that feel overwhelming and don’t give you room to breathe.
Intensity often masks deeper issues such as insecurity, neediness, or a desire to control you, and these issues will become problematic as the relationship progresses.
Possessiveness
Possessiveness, in a relationship, is a toxic trait. It’s unhealthy when a partner tries to control your time, your activities, and the relationships you have with other people.
Possessiveness can manifest in many ways. A partner might check your phone, demand to know where you are at all times, or become jealous of your friends and family.
Why do people become possessive? Often, it stems from insecurity, a fear of abandonment, or a need to control another person. But whatever the reason, possessiveness is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Manipulation
One of the most insidious signs of a toxic relationship is manipulation, which can take many forms. Here are two to watch out for:
Emotional manipulation
This is when someone uses your emotions to control you. For instance, they might lay guilt trips on you, play the victim, or even threaten you to get their way. They might also weaponize your empathy by telling you sob stories to get you to do things for them.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a particularly nasty form of manipulation. It’s when someone makes you question your own sanity and how you see the world. A gaslighter might deny things that happened, twist your words, or tell you that you’re overreacting. Over time, this can really mess with your head and make you doubt yourself.
Isolation
One of the classic signs of a toxic relationship is when one partner tries to cut the other off from their friends and family, leading to emotional distance. This tactic is called isolation.
Isolation can happen in a number of ways. A toxic partner might discourage you from seeing your loved ones, start fights with them to create distance, or make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with people other than them.
The danger of isolation is that it makes you increasingly dependent on your abuser. As your support network shrinks, it becomes harder to see the toxicity in the relationship and much harder to seek help. It’s a vicious cycle, and it’s a major red flag.
BELITTLING
Does your partner make you feel small, unimportant, or worthless with their words or actions? If so, you might be experiencing belittling behavior.
Examples of belittling include:
- constant criticism
- name-calling
- sarcastic remarks
- dismissive behavior
Belittling erodes your self-esteem and confidence over time, making you doubt your own worth and abilities. It can be especially damaging because it chips away at your sense of self, often without you even realizing it’s happening.
GUILT-TRIPPING
Guilt-tripping is a manipulation tactic in which a person makes you feel guilty so you’ll do something you don’t want to do. They might say things like, “If you really loved me, you would…” or “After everything I’ve done for you…”
Constant guilt-tripping can make you feel obligated to do things you don’t want to do. Over time, this can breed resentment and damage the relationship.
SABOTAGE
Does your partner intentionally try to undermine your goals, successes, or happiness? If so, you might be experiencing sabotage.
Sabotage can take many forms. For example, a partner might interfere with your work or studies, spread rumors about you, or ruin important events that are meaningful to you.
Sabotage is often rooted in jealousy and a need to control you. It’s a sign that the relationship is deeply unhealthy.
Controlling behaviors
One of the hallmark signs of a toxic relationship is when one partner attempts to control the other.
Financial control
This happens when a partner limits your access to money or makes all financial decisions. Hiding income, preventing you from working, or demanding to know how you spend every penny are all examples of financial control.
Monitoring and surveillance
Another way a toxic partner can try to control you is by tracking your whereabouts, checking your phone or computer, or demanding passwords. It can leave you feeling watched and controlled.
DEFLECTING RESPONSIBILITY
Does your partner refuse to take responsibility for their actions? Do they blame you for their mistakes? This is called deflecting responsibility, and it’s a classic sign of a toxic relationship.
You might hear things like, “You made me do it!” or “If you hadn’t provoked me, I wouldn’t have…”
When your partner consistently deflects responsibility, it makes healthy communication and problem-solving virtually impossible. How can you resolve conflict when your partner refuses to acknowledge their role in it?
Betrayal
At its core, betrayal is about breaking trust and violating the boundaries you and your partner have established for your relationship. It’s a deep violation of the implicit and explicit agreements you’ve made with each other.
Examples of betrayal include lying, cheating, or sharing private information about your partner with others. These actions erode the foundation of trust and can inflict deep emotional wounds, making it difficult to repair the relationship.
In Conclusion
Toxic relationships often involve patterns of control, criticism, disrespect, jealousy, isolation, blame, manipulation, dishonesty, a lack of support, and constant negativity.
It’s important to be self-aware and set boundaries in any relationship. If you’re recognizing these signs in your relationship, it’s time to prioritize your well-being and consider whether it’s healthy for you to stay.
Help is available. Reach out to friends, family, a therapist, or support organizations. You can call 0800 69 49 999 for support, dial 999 in an emergency, and text emergency services at emergencySMS.net if you are deaf, hard of hearing, or speech-impaired.